Bleak Free — Gladrags & Bags

I’d love to live in a world where we all ask ourselves “Is this a kind thing to say or do?”

And I’d most definitely like to ask that of the creators and writers on tv shows.

One particular program has recently shown a scene where once again a stoma is seen as nasty, bad, vile, to be hidden from sight.

Although the special effects were great. Very realistic. Excellent work, so I’ll give them credit for that.

But did they mean to be purposefully unkind?

Not to the character, that’s just a make believe moment in the ether. I mean, the legacy of those words to the wider audience.

It’s irrelevant if the person portrayed is bad, and yes, they are very bad.

I'm not worried or concerned about the character's feelings, they’re not real people, but the words and intent are out there now.

And yet again stomas are shown in a negative light.

The stoma was added as a way to make it look bleak and miserable. "His life ruined".

And for that they decided a stoma would be the perfect analogy.

So yes, it is just a tv show, and it’s up to individual viewers to decide whether to watch or not, but the way it was portrayed has far reaching ramifications.

Imagine facing stoma surgery and seeing that episode, or any of the other times stomas are used as the butt of the joke.

It’s so fucking annoying, and they can most definitely go **** themselves.

Tv shows could do so much good promoting positivity, or even just simply showing reality and respect (again, not with these two particular characters), but they choose negativity every single time and it's boring, tired and lazy.

No one is out here having a stoma for shits and giggles (pun most definitely intended). No one wakes up and thinks ooooh, I’d love to risk my life in surgery so I can have a bag full of poo stuck to me please!

It’s to save a life, so we can live that life.

I get for the vast majority of a healthy population it wouldn’t be something anyone would want.

But it’s always given in a very different context;

Stay ill, and or die

Or…

Stoma and live, very possibly ~ fit & well.

And in that situation if anyone is choosing to die that is the most tragic thing in the world (And heartbreakingly, people actually have chosen that).

We have failed them, society has failed.

Let’s try and wonder why they might choose death over a life with a bag?

Probably because our knowledge of stomas is the negative shit (puns again) we get from the entertainment industry.

It’s always negative, it’s always shade.

For the love of god get a grip. You don’t need a whipping boy, and you really don’t need to make stomas less desirable than they’re already perceived to be.

I’m not unique in my feelings towards my stoma, in that I prefer it to my old fashioned plumbing. I don’t miss my anus or rectum at all. I actually prefer my life with my colostomy.

Whether you believe me on that or not isn’t really for me to worry about.

I appreciate it sounds odd, but I like the functionality of it. I’m that much of a control freak that I prefer to be in charge of my poo. Of course, I don’t get to decide when I poo (but I most definitely didn’t get to choose when I had an arsehole either, and the stakes were higher back then, I did not enjoy the jeopardy of not being near a toilet).

I am so very comfortable, at peace and content with my body. And so are a lot of stoma users…but for the ones who aren’t, I feel incredibly sad for them to have to put up with this bullshit from tv, film and media.

Are they allowed to say negative things about any other disability? I don’t recall any programs where they slag any of it off. I appreciate they’re never particularly complimentary about other disabilities, but they don’t tend to pin point something and say how shit it is.

Maybe they’ve found a loophole in stomas, and know they can get away with it. Maybe it’s not classified like other things, and therefore fair game? It must be cancel culture friendly.

It’s so frustrating, it’s also incredibly boring.

There is huge stigma around stomas. I’m incredibly lucky because I don’t get any negativity about it to my face, can you imagine?! 🫣😂

I’ve had a few weirdos try and make me feel less than because of my colostomy on instagram a couple of times…but it’s impossible, because I’m having a lovely time with this life.

Boohoo, a rando on the internet doesn’t think I’m worthy of nice things because I poo in a bag…excuse me while I snuggle into my business class flight, off to a five star hotel. 🤭😂

Okay, so I’m being glib, boastful even, but I feel I’ve earned the right to feel smug as I overcame the circumstances I found myself in, with a smile on my face and acceptance of my new body.

I’m having a bloody brilliant time, enjoying every second on the planet. I don’t have time for saddos, who are clearly not having a great experience with life. If they were they wouldn’t be trolling people they don’t know online.

(*Just to clarify, I love Ryanair flights too. I like any airline that’s taking me on an adventure).

It would be so nice if somewhere along the line some joy and positivity was injected into stoma owning in tv and film, with a main character, actually showing the good side (ie, being alive and thriving on a planet that doesn’t necessarily believe we can).

Let’s try and change the narrative from Dysphoria to actual, real life Euphoria please, because it’s boring AF to keep pushing the negative narrative.

The negativity towards stomas is ignorant at best, and a calculated attempt to denigrate at worst.

Who even thinks it’s okay to take something so personal and serious and make it into something far worse for stoma users?

I appreciate no one from the film industry is looking at my blogs or instagram, but come on, at least do some research.

Ps, if you’re wondering, Eudaimonia is an Ancient Greek concept commonly translated as "happiness" or "welfare," but best understood as human flourishing. Rather than a fleeting feeling of pleasure, it describes a lifelong state of living well, actively fulfilling one's true potential, and acting in accordance.

I am one of life’s survivors, flourishers and thrivers. And that is my greatest wish for anyone who has a stoma, or anything that is challenging too.

So let’s get on to my real life part of the blog, because, you know, of course I’m having a really bleak miserable time, dressed miserably, loathing every single second on the planet…poor little sad sack that I am!

🫣🤭🥰🤩😂

….I get to live my life in lightness and peace. I’m having a blast!

Top from Maje, Shorts from Me and Em, Shoes from Hermes, Bag from LV.

Chris and I took my mum out for her birthday treat.

We didn’t know what to buy her, so we gave the gift of time. And a trip to a gallery, restaurant, and shopping too.

My dad took himself off to watch cricket, and we took ourselves off to London.

My mum convinced herself a long time ago that she is taller than me, and finds it rudely surprising every time that it’s discovered that she is not. 🤩😂

…Don’t get me wrong, at 5 foot 3 myself I have nothing to boast about in the height department 🫣🤩😂

It was such a lovely day. We took my mum places she’d not been before. So that was really nice. And spending time with people you love is incredibly precious.

I notice in real time how lucky I am.

It was such a special weekend as I got to double mum, and then dad on the Sunday.

We took my parents, full hospitality to the cricket at Essex County Cricket Club.

Chris and I both really love cricket, but he especially enjoys 20/20.

(It’s a faster paced version of cricket than usual. 20 overs each, rather than days and days).

I prefer the romance of traditional cricket, because I like cricket whites.

20/20 has multicoloured kits, which is fine, but I prefer the old school ones. Give me that and a cucumber sandwich and I’d be perfectly happy.

This…

Or this…

I dressed in my going to the cricket outfit. Which to be honest I made up in my head, because you can wear what you like.

Jacket and Trousers from Ralph Lauren, T Shirt from M&S, Shoes from Jimmy Choo, Bag from Chloe

It was such a fun day! Essex Women’s team, and the men’s team won their matches. So that was a bonus.

Then Monday was back to bone and muscle building for me. I mentioned last week that I have hired a PT and have decided to get ahead of osteoporosis.

Weight training is the best way to ward it off.

Having a good muscle mass is also an indicator of longevity too, so as I want more of this life I’d better put the effort in to get some.

Strong thighs save lives 🫶🏼♥️

I think I’m really enjoying it, I find it all a bit overwhelming right now as it’s all so new to me. But I think I will get to enjoy it.

I already feel stronger, and Chris says he’s noticed a real difference in me. But coming off of the Phenegan probably has something to do with that.

I’ve been shopping from my wardrobe recently, as I have a lot of clothes. No shit Sherlock I hear you cry! 🤭😂

Top from Michael Kors, Jeans from M&S, Shoes from Hermes.

I rediscovered this jumper the other day, and I although I would never have worn it to the cricket match. Much like wearing flowers to Chelsea flower show I don’t take joy in the obvious.

But it is super cute, and was very suitable for the changeable weather.

Jumper from Ralph Lauren, Jeans and Shoes from M&S.

Along with the gym, and daily walking for me, we eat very healthily, and have done for a long time now.

And for some reason porridge has become a firm favourite.

I eat a huge meal for breakfast, and it sees me through till about 3pm.

It is bursting with fibre and nutrients.

I trialed frozen fruit as our fresh fruit bill is about £80 a week. But oh my lord the frozen raspberries as so tart they take your head off. So I’ll have to think of something else to make savings on.

Saturday last week was so fabulous. Me, Chris, Ben and Erin drove down to Hampshire to see Sam, Milly and Zak.

I love going down to theirs because they live in the most idyllic place.

Their home looks like the cottage from The Holiday. It’s so quaint and beautiful. Surrounded by rolling fields and wildlife.

Top from Maje, Jeans from Levi’s!!

These are the first Levi’s I’ve bought in about 20 years.

They are 724’s I believe. Super soft and cosy with some stretch. Would recommend for stoma gals.

Shoes from Jimmy Choo…about 17 years ago…which will come in to relevance in a second.

Quite a few years ago, having bought many other shoes, I took these ones to Spain house to live. And then earlier this year I thought I’d bring them back with me to England as they are really comfy.

I have a sneaky suspicion that the extremes in temperatures at Spain house may have affected the structure of the shoes.

It gets very hot in that house and I don’t run the A/C when I’m not there.

So years of extreme heat, and then coming here in the extreme wet may have caused them to have a meltdown.

I was walking along and thought I’d trodden on something, as it felt so weird under foot.

Most unfortunate. Apparently my friend thinks her cobbler can repair them. But I don’t even think a genie could. 🫣😂

Then Sunday we had a very lovely day. We met up with Chris’s cousin and her husband. She’s so much fun, I adore her. And Chris absolutely loves her.

I have a big extended family, so I get to see a lot of my cousins a lot of the time.

So Chris getting to meet up with Nik was so special and joyful.

She’d booked a lunch in a marina, so I dressed for an afternoon at a yacht club 😂😂

And why on earth not.

Life is a giant dolls house, with a lot of desperately sad man made, and natural disasters going on around us all the bloody time.

So we might as well have a little whimsy and fun along the way.

Ahoy there…

T Shirt, Blazer, and Skirt from Ralph Lauren, Shoes from Hermes, Bag from Goyard.

I was so happy to see Chris with his family, and I love spending time with them as they are really good company.

Then, Monday it was back to the gym and muscle mass training for me. Honestly if I keep this up I’ll look like Arnold Schwarzenegger by July 😂

I appreciate I have a long way to go, I have the upper body strength of a goldfish, but this is a marathon, not a sprint. I want to build future proofing into my life.

I don’t necessarily need to live a ridiculously long time, but I do want to be the most agile and active person until my time comes to an end.