Well the UK is on fire right now. It won’t last of course, but we’re all collectively suffering from poor infrastructure in our homes.
We are not made for this kind of situation ~ you know, sunshine and high temperatures, we’re not used to it, our houses aren’t geared up for it.
And we certainly don’t expect it in May
Very few people have air conditioning, I believe I saw a statistic that said only 3% of UK homes have it.
I’m not sure if that’s just the number for built in units, I imagine it is.
Chris and I have a couple of free standing ones in our house, and I feel incredibly fortunate for that.
They’re absolutely fabulous, but I struggle with the noise of them in the night. So we’re pretty much in the same boat as everyone else during the night, but at least it gives me a bit of respite in the days and we get into an ice cold bed at the end of the day.
So, stomas in high temperatures aren’t a massive amount of fun.
For those who have a looser output it’s vital to get fluid intake up. And even me, with solid output has to drink more otherwise I end up with my special - holiday constipation.
I thought it was just because I fly somewhere I get it, but no, just being in hot weather triggers it.
I have been gorging on kiwi fruit and dates to try and move things along. And although I had a few troublesome days I have managed to even out my output.
Which is a blessed relief because I hate that feeling of being clogged. It makes me feel incredibly lethargic.
And that’s not something I can take on right now. Because I’m having a bit of a reinvention.
Long story short, about 16 years ago I started experiencing insomnia.
Sam was diagnosed with cancer age 13, then six months later I was diagnosed with cancer. Then a few years after that Ben had experienced so much distress through the cancer years, that he started suffering from suicidal ideation, and then my dad was diagnosed with cancer.
Plus multiple people who we adored were diagnosed with cancer, and some very tragically passed away.
It’s a lot, and it’s caused a lot of fear.
As you can imagine, it was all the perfect storm for an over active chaotic mind to start with.
Then about 8 years ago I started suffering even more from insomnia. I was cheerful and chirpy during the day (very fortunately I always am, but it was incredibly challenging), during the nights my mind would go into overdrive.
I was a mess and desperate, but didn’t want to enter into taking anything too hardcore for it.
Knowing how my brain gets fixated and obsessed with things, I didn’t want sleeping tablets to be the new one.
So I visited a GP, and they said to take Phenegan (Promethazine) until it cleared.
I wasn’t keen to take the phenegan, but desperate times call for desperate measures. I don’t even like to take medication, I even refused the morphine straight after my surgery, preferring to just get by on paracetamol, and I don’t even like taking that!
But I was reassured that it was just an antihistamine.
This wasn’t a decision made from hedonism and pleasure, this wasn’t for a dopamine rush, this was one of survival.
I took them, and nothing really improved that much, but the thought of not having something to help didn’t appeal to me either, and I certainly didn’t want to escalate to something stronger.
So I stayed taking them…for 8 years.
What I didn’t know at the time;
They are a sedative, and do not create real sleep. It’s just sedation.
And they only do the sedation bit for a maximum of 3 weeks of use. After that it stops working.
They have been linked to dementia in people who are over 60 and take them long term.
They cause weight gain. Because they work in almost the exact opposite way to GLP1 medication. Whereas GLP1 block the food noise and cause the patient to feel satiated, phenegan blocks the satiated part of the brain.
So basically I fucked up.
I know that. I am fully aware. But I didn’t know what I didn’t know, until I did.
I thought I was doing myself a favour by not going down a heavier duty sleeping pill path. I thought I was healing myself, by myself. I am fiercely independent medically.
They are an over the counter medication in the UK, so I assumed they were safe to use. Which they are I guess for the most part.
When Chris did some research last month, with the help of a specialist counsel of AI doctors he curated (this may well be the future of self responsibility by the way), he discovered that I needed to wean myself off the phenegan carefully and slowly, because it’s rotten for sleep issues, and wasn’t actually working.
He, with the AI counsel put together a plan to help me come off them.
And I did what I always do, which is to ignore everyone else, and again, I fucked up.
In what was meant to be a 2-3 month weaning process…
…I did it two nights.
I tapered on nights 1 and 2, and then essentially going cold turkey from night 3.
This was 36 days ago.
It was nothing short of hell. I don’t quite know how I managed. But I have an incredible amount of resilience, and a very large amount of, I believe it’s called intestinal fortitude.
I am the most feeble powerhouse you’re ever going to meet.
The only thing keeping me going was knowing that it should be giving myself a fighting chance to ward off the promethazine induced dementia.
Once I knew the risks I changed my path immediately.
And once I knew taking it was bad for me, I panicked and wanted it over as soon as possible.
I’m not going to beat myself up for things I didn’t know about, after all cigarettes cause cancer, and people still smoke. I don’t.
Alcohol literally causes 6 different types of cancer - is a class 1 carcinogen on the world health organisation chart - in the same bracket as radiation and asbestos, but people gladly still drink. I don’t.
Same with processed meats too, class 1 carcinogens, but people still love bacon and sausages and other assorted processed meats. I don’t.
I really don’t have the headspace for beating myself up for something I did to try and help myself (ironically, I had read that lack of sleep can cause dementia and depression, so I was actually trying to prevent that.
The irony is not lost on me.
Anyway, the worst of it is over. The decontamination is complete. Whatever the future brings is to worry about then.
For now I am happy I’m back to being me.
Unmedicated and free.
Am I sleeping any better?
Well, no, it’s very difficult.
But I am now tracking sleep patterns with the help of my Oura ring and Chris’s AI medical team.
And although I’m not sleeping like some lucky souls, who go to bed, and wake up at a reasonable time in the morning, I am getting enough to not be concerned about.
I could do with more solid, longer sleep. But I am doing everything in my power to try to. No stone has been left unturned in the pursuit of a better me for the future.
And I think I’m doing pretty fucking amazingly to be honest.
I am so incredibly grateful yet again to Chris for his dedication and commitment to fixing this nutcase wife of his.
The man is a saint. I think we have all been aware of that for a very long time.
He is everything. And I am everything that I am because he loves me, as cliched as that may sound.
How lucky are we. 🫶🏼
So that’s my latest adventures 🫣🤭😂
Actually that was just a side hustle, real life was happening along side it.
Some days it was like trying to walk through treacle. But I did it anyway.
I have been having a lovely time, whilst simultaneously going through a really hard time.
But that’s life isn’t it. We’re all probably going through something we’d rather not be. But managing to live life with a smile on our faces.
I made a mistake in the pursuit of trying to help myself. I admit my error. I take responsibility for it. I have a plan in place to do better. I am moving forward with positivity, and a bit of whimsy thrown in.
I’ve kept myself busy through the crippling exhaustion, and the other side effects of not tapering off a medication slowly.
And I’m very thankful that my mental health hasn’t taken a hit. I have been so very lucky that with everything we’ve been through I have been mentally well.
I have nothing against antidepressants, I think they are a fabulous tool, but I have never needed to use them so far. Many of my friends and family have and they have been life changing for them.
Whatever gets you through the day is the best course of action.
So when I say I’m grateful I’ve never needed them, it is not a criticism or judgement on those who do. It is just an acknowledgement of appreciation to my brain for keeping me going. Two things can be true at once.
Dress from Me&Em, Shoes from Chanel.
Chris had noticed the rhubarb in the garden had grown enough to eat, and asked if I could do him some.
Calm down, calm down, yes he could have done it himself, but **** me, he doesn’t ask anything of me. He gives me this ridiculously blissful soft life. So yeah, if he wants a bit of rhubarb cooked for him I think he deserves it…
…well he does, but I totally forgot that he’d said it for about 3 weeks. It was only when I went out there to get something from the garden storage bin that I remembered. So I did it straight away…albeit 3 weeks later.
High fibre, full of sunshine and goodness 🥰 What’s not to love.
Well my recipe might be an acquired taste;
Rhubarb
1 teaspoon of honey
Cinnamon
Cardamom powder
It’s very very tart. But so delicious with Fage 5% fat natural Greek yogurt, sprinkled with home toasted almonds.
Last Friday was a fabulous day out for me and my best friend.
We were invited by Boodles to attend a lunch at Sexy Fish, in London, and then be driven over to Chelsea Flower Show as their guests. And it was fab!
Dress from H&M, Bag from Dior, Shoes from Hermes.
Now, this year I broke my own self imposed rule.
I appreciate I’m weird (all the best ones are!). But whenever I go to Chelsea flower show I don’t wear florals. I don’t really know why, I just got it in my head that I don’t like it, it feels too obvious.
But I saw this dress, that I knew would look a treat with these sensational green velvet shoes I’ve had a while.
And I wanted to wear it asap. So Chelsea was the soonest opportunity.
I felt very well put together on the day. I loved this outfit.
A dress is always going to be my preference for a long day out. It means I can worry less about the risk of bag leaks.
Which means a more relaxed vibe.
We had the best day.
We met some really lovely people who were also guests of Boodles.
We got chatting to two women, it turned out they were from a town very close to ours, so as Chris was driving up to London to pick Michelle and I up I offered them a lift home.
We got chatting some more, no surprise there if you know me, and it turned out one of the ladies was besties with one of my dearest friends, Fay.
We took a photo and sent it to her, which must have been a bit confusing for her receiving a photo, with two of her favourite people in it, who don’t actually know each other. 😂🥰🫶🏼
A fabulous day all in all, glorious weather and merch!! We all love a bit of merch right? 💝🤩
Then it was a heatwave bank holiday weekend!
A rare treat indeed.
I always leave our weekend activities up to Chris, I don’t work, he does, so he has the final say.
I make heavily loaded suggestions of course. But really he has to be all in or it’s not really fair.
We’re living a 1950s version of marriage and works out really well for me as I’m inherently lazy and don’t want an actual job.
He suggested we take the blanket, hamper and cold bag and head into London for a Fortnum’s picnic in the park.
And I thought that was a great idea!
And not one I’d suggest as he has killer hayfever, and parks are full of the hays 🫣🤭
I bought this outfit a while ago. I absolutely love it. But it needed sunshine to wear it. This is not a hazy day set.
It could have been made for a picnic to be honest. It has built in shorts!! Built in!!
Oh my lord it’s divine!
It was a bit confusing when I first tried it on in Maje in Spain because I didn’t know it had built in shorts, and I managed to put both legs in one leg hole and couldn’t get them pulled up past my shins.
Which did seem odd.
Anyway, once I worked that conundrum out I thought it was dreamy. If you feel good, you radiate it out. And I felt so good in this outfit. I had so many compliments from strangers on it. So that’s nice, and it meant I could sit on the picnic blanket in the park without showing my foof off to passersby. 😂
Top and Skort from Maje, Shoes from Hermes.
A quick trip to F&M to get all the goodies…
Why a Fortnum’s picnic?
Well they do these incredible lunch boxes, at the time of print they were £10 a box, but the lady did mention it was going up in price soon. To how much I do not know.
Anyway, you get a really substantial amount.
1 choice of protein, and 2 salads, it’s delicious. And so much better than anything I could come up with.
Green park in London, on a sunny day, is heaven, absolute heaven. England is hard to beat when the sun shines.
Good food, bird song, snoring (him, not me).
Our little set up looks so classy and serene doesn’t it. But then you have to factor in I was there. A whirling dervish of a woman!
I knocked over my bottle of water, cascading it all over the rug and me. I grabbed it and stood it up and then stood myself up to shake off the excess liquid…
Chris then stepped into help and I stepped back into the dried ground, and knocked the bottle over again as I stumbled out of the way…at which point Chris grabs the bottle, again fighting with the torrent of water…he looks up at me and says “you didn’t put the lid back on??”
Guys come on now!?? You expected me to? 🫣🤭🤩😂 I thought you were better than that! 😂
Anyway, during all this I stepped back on to the rug, with my now muddy feet from standing on the ground with wet feet.
It was at this point Chris called time on our picnic, declaring it unretrievable, a tad over dramatic, but I did see his point. 😂
It was for the most part a lovely day.
Part of having some sleep disturbance is that I get to see sunrise quite a lot. I’m not loving the 4am starts, but I do try and find the positives in every situation. And watching the sunrise with these silly boys is definitely a blessing.
Like I said, I leave the day’s plans to Chris. He generally comes up with something fun to do.
So I got up and dressed, assuming he’d fancy a curry at Chutney Mary, because, well, because he always does.
But he got up and suggested we go to a car boot sale, and then antiquing at Battlesbridge antiques centre.
And that seemed like a great idea.
We needed a little table to lift our mobile air conditioner closer to the window. And a car boot or antique place seemed like the best place to find something.
Top from Maje, Shorts from Sosander, Shoes from Hermes.
Well, a quick change of shoe and I was raring to go.
A great day for rummaging
I love a good root through other people’s treasures.
We found a perfect little table too.
And then, we decided to have a Sunday roast at the pub near our house…yes, in 32 degrees. 🤩
The next morning was another early start for me. I decided to keep up with my new routine, bank holiday or not, a Monday is a Monday.
And Monday to Friday I go for a walk at a fast pace…And or a cycle, plus every day I lift hand weights too.
I assumed he was still fast asleep when I left, but he took this photo of me leaving just after sunrise…
Rules for resetting poor sleep;
Get sunlight on your face as soon as you wake/or at sunrise. For at least 10 minutes before looking at any screen.
No electronics in the bedroom (we never have, so that one was easy)
No blue lights after 9pm (no tv, phones, computers).
No liquids after 7pm
No caffeine after 2pm (also easy as I don’t take in any caffeine anyway).
It was a glorious walk!
Chris was up and about when I got home, so I made us hob porridge (you know you’re getting old when you start enjoying porridge 🤭😂).
I usually make overnight oats (a younger funkier way to eat a classic) but as I hadn’t prepped any, I cooked it the old fashioned way.
It fills me up till about 3pm.
I make mine with jumbo oats, ground chia seeds and flaxseed, topped with toasted almonds. Served with a side of raspberries, blueberries, some walnuts, and one square of 90% dark chocolate.
Which is probably why it fills me up until 3pm 🤭😂
Anyway, I said to Chris what’s the plan for the day?
Seeing as it was 33 degrees (English 33 degrees is unlike holiday 33 degrees in general, but fairly similar to Mumbai 33 degrees. It’s all about the humidity).
Anyway, rather than just stay hiding in our bedroom from the heatwave, Chris said get dressed, and then drove us to Harrods.
The most perfect place to hide from the heat. We didn’t need anything, and didn’t buy anything. But we were able to walk around using them for their air conditioning, looking at pretty things.
Top and skirt from Ralph Lauren, Shoes from Hermes, Hat from Locke and Company, Sunglasses from H&M.
We can’t just sit out in the garden enjoying the sunshine because of his hayfever.
…I have a lovely big garden if any wants to rent it from me? 🫣😂
So this was a great idea…
He then said he’d booked us in for dinner…
Chutney Mary in a heatwave is a very very good idea.
One of my friends seemed pretty perplexed that we were having curry on such a hot day…until I pointed out where curry originates from…
The sun is just trolling us at this point, it’s been scorching.
It won’t last of course. It never does. The rain is moving in for next week.
We’ll collectively moan about the rain too, but this was too much.
I melted on entering my car.
To try and make the most of the unseasonably warm weather we have dined in the garden a few times.
For about 25 minutes each time. Just to get some use out of our outside space. It seems a waste to live here otherwise.
I keep saying we need to move into a flat with a balcony. I think it’s pretty clear we are not garden oriented people, I hate gardening and he’s allergic to the outside world.
Obviously I do a little table scape each time.
…So about 2 and a half years ago I got on top of my diet.
I employed the fabulous Annabelle to help me make the changes and stick with them.
It worked a treat and I’ve never looked back. Chris joined me on this healthy eating journey as he saw the difference in me.
So we joined forces and made the changes.
Incredibly, instead of craving junk, once we cut it out, it repulsed us.
I only eat something if it brings a health benefit.
Fibre and protein, once you do that all the other essential nutrients are included anyway.
Only whole foods, no crap, nothing ultra processed. Just good food and flavours.
It’s been quite the awakening.
Annabelle worked wonders on me (and in turn Chris), and I know she could and has for many others too.
www.annabellesmithwellnesscoach.com
She hasn’t asked me to mention her in this blog, in fact she hasn’t got a clue that I have. I just think she’s fabulous, and could very well be the help someone is looking for.
Anyway, you know I mentioned a few weeks ago I’d had a Dexa bone and muscle density scan, and it showed I had osteopenia, well I needed to get on top of that because should I be blessed enough to live to a ripe old age, I’d like it to be a fit one.
So I contacted Annabelle and asked her to help me again.
I have already mastered eating well. Now I need to grow muscle and strengthen my bones.
So I did something wildly out of my comfort zone.
Annabelle is now officially my personal trainer…at a gym. Yes, I have stepped foot in a gym, and employed at PT.
And not a flowery country club style gym at that, no, this is the hardcore body builder kind, which is both exciting and terrifying.
But I have Annabelle babysitting me the whole time. So it’s not actually that intimidating. Just a bit new and scary.
But I am loving it so far.
It’s been 3 weeks now and I can feel and see the difference in me already.
Although a lot of the shape change I’ve had lately is due to stopping the Promethazine, and not eating as much, but the gym sessions have played their part too.
It’ll be a while before I’m bold enough to go it alone. But it’s all in my future.
I will be stronger and better.
Errrrr, well this is new!
If you want to make some changes I can’t recommend Annabelle more, she’s been a rock for me.
Every day is a new opportunity to make better choices. And I’m loving these early morning walks, before if gets too hot.
How I’m going to feel about the rainy ones next week I do not know, but I’m looking forward to finding out. 🫶🏼
Anyway, that’s enough of me, I’ve kept you long enough.
Every day is a new beginning. Keep well, keep going. Have fun xx 😘
S