I was off on my travels again last week, and I had another absolutely ridiculous, infuriating experience at Stansted airport security.
I’m very often travelling alone, as I was this time, it’s always more intense and nerve racking to be on my own, but it’s the price I pay for leading a very active life.
I went through the scanner, and was pulled aside because my stoma showed up on the scan, it happens more often than not.
It’s usually not a problem, a quick pat down and you’re on your way, but sadly, not so this time.
I told the original security officer that I had a stoma, and that would be why the scan flagged something on my abdomen.
As he was a man he called over a female colleague, I told her 3 times that I have a stoma.
I foolishly assumed she'd taken it in, but she was on autopilot, not paying attention to her actual job.
She patted me down. Found the stoma and squeezed it hard.
Not the bag, but my actual stoma! My intestine!!
To which I yelped and asked her what she was playing at.
She said “You should have told me!”
What!?! I need to tell her 4 times instead of the 3 I did tell her?
It then triggered something in their procedure policy, so I was marched to a side room for a further search.
This has happened before, it is incredibly stressful because one time it happened they demanded I take the bag off, so I have this intense fear they’d ask that of me again.
Thankfully they just wanted to swab my bag…I feel they should have mentioned this before I was marched to a side room like a convicted felon.
I was told I wasn’t allowed to collect my hand luggage from the conveyer belt, and I was stared at by all the other surrounding passengers, because human nature dictates that we have a good old nose at kerfuffles!
I was and am livid!!
She did apologise, but it's not much use to me.
After our interaction, which wasn't friendly, but wasn't screamy either (believe when I say it took everything I had to not scream and cry)…her supervisor then sympathised with her, and she collected her stuff…and it looked like she was being allowed to leave her position...probably because the mean customer was stern with her.
Lucky her to have the luxury of going home for a cry!!
It was me who was injured, it was me who was humiliated and stressed out, unnecessarily…but I'm a grown up, who has to carry on and live my life, despite incompetent people making my life difficult.
(Interestingly a lot of people say they have no sensation in their stoma.
But I do.
It stingles
Stings and tingles at times.
Like if I catch it on a door handle...or if a security guard squeezes it hard!)
I’m livid and upset.
There will be a letter to the head of the airport - I have notes!!
One of the most galling parts of this interaction was she said her dad has a stoma!..!!!?
When I said to her how would your father feel if this happened to him?
She said he would be very understanding about it…
Really?! Really?!
Oh! And I forgot to add the part where she asked me for the paperwork for my stoma!!!
It's a stoma, not a car MOT!!! There is no paperwork required.
This wasn't a lack of training, this was a lack of active listening, and a clear lack of interest in her job.
Checks obviously need to be made, but there needs to be a consistent professional approach to it.
So my trip started off in great spirits. 🫣
I will say that just after this incident I was treated with great kindness by two staff members in the Mulberry handbag store. I broke my sunglasses whilst packing my bags back up at security, so annoyingly I needed a new pair.
I explained what had just happened, I think I just needed to offload the stress of the situation.
They were so sweet. They gave me a glass of water (they offered alcohol or coffee but I don’t do either of those, so their options were limited), they sympathised and concurred that it was unacceptable.
One of the staff members even contacted me later so see if I was okay.
I’m a well travelled, completely confident stoma user, but I refuse to let things like this slide because other people might not have been able to handle it.
I was becoming slightly calmer by this point, but I still have anxiety flying (yes, I imagine that’s a surprising fact. I am a nervous flyer, but also a very regular flyer).
Anyway, I boarded the plane and I was getting myself comfortable when a large stag do group got on. And the stag himself was in a full body Hulk Hogan costume, padded muscles included.
It made me laugh so much, more so when I realised he was my seat companion 🫣🤩😂
The universe always has a way of bringing light where there was shade.
Anyway, he was a jolly nice young man, I think he said his name was Curtis. He was very excited to be marrying the love of his life this May. Sending them both a lifetime of happiness.
He was so kind to sit chatting for the duration of the flight, which really helped take my mind off the incident at security, and the stinging in my stoma.
Needless to say, I have written a letter of complaint to the head of Stansted, and The CAA.
I have flown 10-20 times a year for the last 16 years. (Excluding the Covid ones). In that time I have had 3 bad experiences. One at Gatwick, and TWO at Stansted!
I have been all over the world, America, India, Cuba, and all over Europe, most places multiple times, and the only 3 times I’ve had problems have been in UK airports.
This doesn’t put me off flying (it’s already a necessary evil) but it does make me more nervous about it.
Stomas exist
The bag part show up on scans
A pat down and swab are sufficient
And unless they are planning to bring in in-depth checks on everyone wearing sanitary towels or nappies I will not accept the intolerable intrusion on my body or appliance.
They need to do better.
I did have a notable experience at an airport once, not awful like this one, but I was stopped because my stoma bag flagged up (the bag usually shows up because it’s multiple layers, and that’s what the scans are supposed to search for, anomalies).
I was given a pat down (a little back history here. I’m usually dehydrated on holidays, and this was no exception. So my output was like little solid balls).
The lady giving me the pat down felt across my abdomen, she said “what have you got in your pocket?”
I told her that I had nothing in my pockets but I do have some output in my colostomy bag.
She then proceeded to squeeze the lumps in the bag individually. I tried to make it clear what she was actually doing, but she ignored me, and continued squeezing.
She said “Well what’s all this then if your pocket is empty!?”
I laughed and replied “like I told you if you had been listening, that is poo, you are squeezing my poo like it’s bubble wrap”.
You have never seen someone recoil in horror so fast. It really made me laugh. And hopefully it made her comprehend she should probably really listen when she’s asked a question!!
But at least on that occasion, I wasn’t hurt or humiliated. She obviously didn’t have a great shift, but that was her choice.
That’s my rant over, I have spent the last 10 years advocating for other stoma users, so I can most certainly advocate for myself in this situation…
Anyway, let’s get on with this actual blog…
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I’ve been out and about enjoying my life. I think it’s very important to do so.
Life is short and precarious.
I acknowledge that I am in a very privileged position to be time rich, I don’t have a job, so I can get out in the world and do a bit of good.
I also have a husband who supports my adventures. I got really lucky with him. He is an earth angel.
Top from Aquascutum, Jeans from M&S, Shoes from Jimmy Choo
I’m trying to remember to mix skirts in my dressing routine. It helps with output, and I need all the help I can get.
I have been struggling with constipation since I landed in India, and it’s still on going. I can’t seem to get it back on track.
Jumper from Maje, Skirt from Reiss, Boots from Hermes
Off I went to Valencia for a meeting with a different organisation to the one I’m on a committee for.
I have the spare time to give to others freely, it’s why I volunteer at the Foodbank and for EAES.
I have a great desire to give back. I’m incredibly lucky and very grateful to be here, and in a very fortunate position to be able to do this sort of work.
Shirt and Trousers from Ralph Lauren, Bag from Goyard
I arrived quite early at the hotel, and the get to know each other meal wasn’t till the evening. So I decided to take myself off for a walk round Valencia.
Sadly it began to rain so I nipped into an art gallery. It’s the museum of modern art and it couldn’t be further from what I like to look at.
I had a quick look around. Realised I’d made a mistake, and left.
I was coming down the steps when I heard someone shout my name, well, they shouted “Suzanne!” Why I assumed it was me they were calling I don’t know. But it actually was aimed at me!
One of the co leads for the meeting was heading to the meeting room to set up.
I had a chat with her, and then headed off for another walk about.
I was just about to walk in to the old town when I saw a familiar green sign…and who am I to resist the call of El Corte Ingles!
So that’s where I headed, that’s my culture preference. I found the most perfect crisp white shirt to wear with my Lehenga skirt. I’m trying to do my version of a look I saw on Sabyasachi’s Instagram account a while back.
I also found the Intimissimi store. So I stocked up in there again too.
It’s not for me 🫣
Whereas this is…
I went back to the hotel, got showered and dressed for the meet and greet meal.
Shirt from Ralph Lauren, Trousers from H&M, Shoes from Hermes
The rest of the group were wonderful. I’m very lucky that during my time in Patient Partnering I have met the most amazing people. So warm and welcoming. And I’m lucky to call some of them my friends.
Blouse from Ralph Lauren, Trousers from Bella Freud x M&S, Shoes from Chanel
The meeting was so interesting, and as ever I hope my input helped.
The food at lunch could not have been more perfect. Paella in Valencia is a must!
And so too are fireworks in the park!
I laughed so much. It was fabulous fun watching everyone lighting their fireworks.
These wonderful highly accomplished adults delighting in the wonder of Fallas. A spring celebration, where fireworks are at the forefront.
Did I partake? No, I had enough trouble with airport security without adding explosive materials on my hands or possessions.
Yes, I am that paranoid.
These packs are actually designed for small children to light and play with. Which is so funny to me, as a child of the 70s and 80s where the fireworks code was drummed into us…by Jimmy Saville!
It was a lot of fun to watch.
Then it was out to dinner to celebrate a good days work.
Top from Intimissimi, Trousers from Ralph Lauren.
The weekend itself was really good, even though the incident on the way was very distressing.
But like I said, I don’t have the luxury of giving up and hiding at home. Or maybe I do, but I refuse to do that.
Why the fuck should I!??
It’s the rest of the world who needs to learn and grow, I already did that bit.
The journey home was far less stressful, thank goodness.
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Chris and I were invited to a really very cool event. It was the launch of a new jewellery collection at Jessica McCormack (I love her pieces! I can’t afford most of it, but it’s really very nice stuff).
Anyway, we were lucky enough to get an invite, so we went.
I went into London early for a look around. And Chris flew in and met up with me later in the day, as he’d been to a meeting in Northern Ireland.
I knowwww, we’re such jet setters, London, València, Belfast! 🤩🥰
Top and shoes from Hermes, Jeans from M&S, Blazer from Zara.
I had such a lovely mooch about the shops.
I had a look again for mother of the groom outfits, but I can’t bring myself to wear them.
It’s just not me, it’s all very Barbara Cartland meets the Queen Mother. All matching hats, dresses, jackets, shoes and bags is pastel hues of lavender, mint and peach.
I have now officially given up, and decided to shop from my wardrobe. I own beautiful dresses. And I’m not really into the idea of being told to be fearful of wearing something I’ve already worn, or sin of all sins - or so we’re led to believe - turning up in the same dress as another guest!
Have you seen the state of the world we are living in? Does wearing the same dress as someone else really seem like a big deal?
I’ve had it on a few occasions before, and one of those times the lady was so tall, skinny and stunning, in fact, she was everything I’m not, but it was funny and we both complimented each other on great taste and moved on.
So after some failed attempts to find something new, I had my free cup of tea in Harrods and then went off to meet Chris.
But not before I got side tracked and tried on a myriad of clothes for summer…
I really am very short aren’t I! And it doesn’t help that very very long skirts are in fashion this summer.
These examples aren’t even the long ones, these are the mid length ones on a very stumpy lady.
So can you imagine the ones like the below photo on me? 🫣
And then it was time for the big event…
The new collection is utterly stunning!! It’s all so beautiful and unique. (Not an ad, just an avid fan).
But this brooch captured my heart.
Unfortunately I’d have to sell every organ I own to buy it, this absolute stunner is 500k
It was a super fun evening, they had an aura reading service, for shits and giggles.
The lady did mine twice as she wasn’t sure what happened the first time, but as it happened again the second time she stuck with it.
It turns out my aura wasn’t one single colour, like everyone else’s, it was a rainbow 🌈 and they don’t happen very often apparently.
I’ve no idea what it means, if anything, but Chris reckons it’s because it picked up on my multiple personalities 🫣😂
It was nice to hear nice things about myself though. Who doesn’t love that!
We left the event, me with a happy heart from trying on beautiful things…and a very nice goody bag, which was such a lovely surprise. 🥰
We were both really hungry by then so we popped to Chutney Mary for a curry.
It was about 8.45pm by this time, and that is really very late for us to eat, we are experts in the early bird special!
As we walked into the restaurant, the staff, from management to the waiting team said “Oh wow, you’re here at actual dinner time!?”
🫣🤩🥰🤣
We were sitting chatting and Chris said “Did you notice the waiters at that event?”
I said “Not especially why?”
He said “Well, they were probably all the most good looking men I’ve ever seen in one place!”
And I had to laugh, I nearly spat my drink out actually, because thinking about it, they were all very beautiful, but like my son’s ages so I just see them as children.
…And remember, my dream man in Dick Van Dyke, followed by Harrison Ford and Cary Grant, so my tastes don’t stretch to pretty young things.
Chris is just coming into his supercharged super hot era in my eyes 🫣😂🤩👴🏻😂🥰
We had such a fun evening, and it’s really nice to have an adventure on a school night!
Then it was back home and back to reality, and a lot less diamonds.
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I’ve been collecting foods that we experienced in India. We eat a lot of Indian food, but these snacks were new to us on this recent trip. So we wanted to get stuck in.
Chris recently joined an app by the chef, and owner of the restaurant chain Mowgli, for recipes for some incredible food.
Well I cooked some of it Friday night and it was insane.
I am no cook, I have no interest in it, and I find it hard as I can’t follow a recipe.
But these were so easy! And if I do say so myself, utterly delicious!
If you love Indian food then follow Nisha Katona’s Curry Club, or her instagram account.
It’s hard to believe I made something this good! So if I can it must be easy.
Friday saw the final bits of our Indian odyssey mementos arrive.
We now have a 100% success rate of things we shipped arriving here.
We absolutely love it all!
We are delighted, but have no idea what to do with any of it. 🤩
The weekend came and we were booked into the Marie Antoinette exhibition at the V&A.
Chris booked it for us, it’s not a time period I’m into. I knew nothing of the woman herself, apart from the famous line attributed to her (falsely as it turns out. She never said the cake line. She was smeared by the press and revolutionaries to get the peasants to revolt).
The poor woman was murdered by the government/people at the age of 37!!
Her final words were concerns for her beloved children.
She had been married off aged 14.
…A gutter press and pedos in positions of power? Things never change ~ even if fashions do.
I got dressed for our day out, I then got Chris to take my photos, I then decided I didn’t like the look, and went back and tried again.
The boots are from Valentino, and although beautiful, weren’t working for me this time.
The trainers (sneakers) made all the difference…
Shirt from Boden, Jeans from M&S, Bag, Belt and Shoes all from Louis Vuitton
The bag is an original Murakami Louis Vuitton, from 2003, the shoes are a couple of years old, and the belt is a new addition. I love the idea of mixing old and new together. Hopefully the belt will last as long as the bag has.
We were in the car on our way to lunch in Harrods, when we passed Chutney Mary again, and we both locked eyes, and the car pretty much stopped and parked itself! 🤩😂
So yes, we had curry 3 times in a week. And I say more of that please! 🙏🏼
The exhibition was spectacular! The dresses were beautiful and incredibly interesting. Again with a mix of old and new.
I was stunned by the fact that Marie had a penchant for animal prints! In the 1700s!!
This came as a surprise to me. I had no idea it was even a thing back then. She was the Carol Baskin of her day!! 😂🤩
Then Sunday it was Mother’s Day in the UK, and it always falls around my mum’s birthday. So this was a double feature day.
Chris bought me some new clothes as a gift for Mother’s Day. No, I’m not his mother, but I am the mother of his children, and for that he says he’s very proud and grateful, ☺️ so that’s very nice of him.
Top from Maje, Jeans from Paige.
These jeans were very spenny, I usually wear ones from M&S, but I tried these ones on and they felt so good. They are buttery soft, and stretchy.
I think they are going to be my new favourites. I tested them out for poo room whilst eating, and a huge roast dinner is very good indicator for how well an outfit will work for me. Also, getting to test a new item of clothing at home is really very important. It saves a lot of unnecessary stress out in the wild.
The shoes are from about 17 years ago from Russel and Bromley.
I set a table with the linen we bought in India.
And very kindly Erin cooked us all a fabulous Sunday roast. It was absolutely delicious.
I’d fight you for her Yorkshire puddings!! She’s an amazing cook.
And of course no birthday is complete without a Colin 🐛
And no Mother’s Day is complete without a cuddle from a son, all six foot two of him🫣🤣
It was a wonderful day. A FaceTime from Sam, Milly and Zak, great food, flowers and hugs. What more could I ask for.
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I was chatting to a friend the other day, I was telling her about me telling a different friend about my rosacea.
And she said “I didn’t know you had that?”
Which really surprised me as we’ve been friends for a while. But we haven’t holidayed together, so she’d never seen me make up free.
And we got chatting about imperfections and how irrelevant they are to our lives.
I really live in the now, and I love my life, I love all the adventures it brings.
Yes, I have rosacea. I have quadruple chins, I have a big arse and belly, 2 hernias and a colostomy bag. And I am literally the happiest and most at peace with myself than I’ve ever been.
I wish I’d known this sort of calm contentment in my life when I was in my teens and twenties. When I was actually fabulous!
I’m determined to enjoy now. Because I know full well I wasted far too much time on wishing things were different back then, because I wasn’t paying attention to what I had in the moment.
I don’t do that now! I celebrate in everything I am.
Chins, chub and all.
This is me…
I think it’s wiser to accept myself for who I am, and get on and enjoy life, because I’m having a blast!
I cover my face in makeup, and attempt to disguise my bulges, but in reality I can’t hide it all, and I don’t care to either.
Life isn’t perfect, there’s no such thing. But it’s always a privilege.
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When my mum and dad came on Sunday they brought over some records for Sam to come and pick up, some of which used to belong to my nan. I used to play the sound of music on repeat while I pirouetted around her house, while we sang along 🤩🥰
The only problem for us was we didn’t have a record player, so Chris ordered one as a surprise, and it arrived yesterday. I’ve been singing, and crying and pirouetting around my kitchen, wondering if my nan was clapping me on and joining in the chorus.
He also researched and bought a negative viewer gadget for looking at old photo negatives that can then save them to a SD card…
The second negative he put in turned out to be him snogging his previous fiancé at their engagement party! 🫣🤯😂
I’ve never seen him move so fast to get it out, he was mortified. I thought it was hilarious! 🤣🤣🤣.
When we decided to start dating we went through all of our photos, and got rid of the ones with ex’s, and pooled the rest all together in a box…but apparently we didn’t throw out the negatives 🤣
So that was a new experience ~ I’ve never in my life seen Chris snogging someone else before 🫣🤣🤣
He was so cute to think of my feelings in that moment, he ripped them out of the machine and immediately cut them up, he needn’t have. I am fully aware that we both had prior engagements (literally).
But then it dawned on me today, maybe his panic wasn’t based on wanting to protect my feelings from being hurt, maybe he clocked the fact that they had an actual engagement party…and we didn’t! 🫣🤩🥰🤣 💍
He probably panicked that I’d be demanding a belated engagement party now…which funnily enough isn’t such a crazy idea, because a, I’m owed one, and b, I have the most beautiful lehenga upstairs in my dressing room that is desperately waiting to fulfil its destiny. 🤣
There are some absolutely fabulous photos on those old negatives 🎞️ so many amazing memories.
We’re so lucky to have had such an incredible ride. I still think it’s odd that he chose me and loves me. He’s the most incredible human on the planet, and he thought it would be a great idea to spend his eternity with me. 🥰
We had such a wonderful evening looking through all the pictures.
I couldn’t remember how long we’ve been visiting the Nayling Road Christmas lights, but it’s definitely a few decades now as we have a photo that was taken back in Christmas 1999.
This album made me so emotional.
It was such a thoughtful thing for him to do, so I think he can be forgiven for kissing his at the time fiancee…many years before I even knew he existed. 🤩🤣🤣🤣🤣
The Pre marriage and pre baby years ⬆️
The Post marriage and post babies years ⬇️
(But interestingly all showing signs of bowel issue years before they fully came to light. I remember when I had bouts of trouble, and a lot of these photos brought back the memories).
Most of these years were spent symptomatic of cancer. I was taking fybogel and pile cream like it was going out of fashion, and having absolutely no clue what was lurking beneath.
So yes! I’m far happier now, and so grateful for every second extra I get 🙏🏼
If I could turn back time, I probably wouldn’t, I am who I am because of everything we’ve been through. I am incredibly blessed 🥰
(That said, I would’ve preferred to have much less cancer, because we’ve had way too much of that bullshit).
Thank you for stopping by and reading my words of the week.
Keep well, much love, see you soon. Xx