I have often been asked how I go about shopping and dressing for my colostomy bag.
To begin with it was all trial and error, I would buy something and hope for the best.
I would mostly choose loose fitting dresses or leggings with a lot of stretch in them.
But these days I’m pretty good at judging what will and won’t work, because of all the errors in the build up to today’s me. 🤩
If it was just an empty flat bag that never filled with anything I would be able to dress however I chose to. But that’s not what a stoma bag is for me.
If I’m eating ~ I’m pooing. Without fail.
The action of peristalsis means everything inside gets pushed out as I eat.
This is the same for all of us, but without a stopper at the end, if I’m eating, I emptying at the same time.
I had an AP resection, which means I am missing the bit that acts as a cork.
It is a bit of a downside. It makes dressing nicely for meals out a little more difficult.
In the old days when I was whole and before I had a cancerous tumour, (and for those without stomas) when I ate the peristalsis action would just push the waste along to form an orderly queue in my rectum…and as I no longer have one, I no longer have that benefit.
It’s not the biggest problem in the world, but it means that I have to dress for that eventuality.
Buying clothes that don’t accommodate eating are a waste of money for me, as in general, as a rule of thumb, if I’m awake I’m either eating, or thinking about eating. 🤩😂
When I go shopping for any outfit I have to factor in the need to be able to allow output to flow freely, or at least, freely enough to not pancake (which is when the flow is restricted in some way, and the poo makes its way under the adhesive layer of the bag. Lifting it up from the skin, causing smell and output to leak).
This is my biggest fear and concern, and after 15 years of very contented successful stoma owning it remains my biggest fear and concern. Don’t get me wrong, it doesn’t stop me living well, far from it actually, I just factor it in to my life.
It is a downside to stoma owning, one of very few that I have ever experienced.
I’d love to wear tight, flat fronted, or silky clothes but it’s just not practical or worth the risk of leaking or pancaking. So when I buy clothes I choose things I am pretty sure will be output safe.
I tend to choose not just designs that allow for free flow, but fabrics that are softer, stretchier and less restrictive.
*An Abdominal Perineal Resection (AP resection) is a major surgery to remove a diseased low-lying rectum, the anal canal, and the anus, usually due to low rectal cancer or severe perianal Crohn's disease. It requires both an abdominal incision to access and remove the diseased bowel and a separate perineal incision for the anal removal. This procedure results in a permanent colostomy, an opening on the abdomen (a stoma) where stool is collected in a pouch, because the anus is permanently closed
(Photo used from The Cleveland Clinic website).
So now, when I wake up in the morning I pretty much have a wardrobe on tap that works perfectly for me
Top from Mango, Trousers from Micheal Kors, Shoes from Scarosso.
These trousers are the most delightful, soft buttery stretchy fabric.
I have a great deal of faith in them that they wouldn’t let me down. I often pack them when I go away as a back up pair to my main character wardrobe.
I’ll buy a pair of trousers or jeans that I’m pretty sure will be fine, but if I’m not feeling confident on the day I will just slip these soft trousers on.
They make a great outfit, but they are a fabulous back up pair too.
You could wonder why I wouldn’t just wear them to start with, and that’s a fair question. But I like to try things and wear different things. It would make me feel too restricted to just wear these day in day out.
Hands down, dresses are my favourite and safest option.
Dress from Micheal Kors, Shoes from Hermes.
Again, it’s a very soft buttery fabric and the chance of a bag leak are almost zero.
I do at times push the boundaries of dressing with a stoma and choose a trouser or jeans that are a little riskier.
But I do myself a favour and size up to factor in poo room.
Top from French Connection, Jeans from M&S, Shoes from Tod’s.
I would, from an aesthetic perspective, prefer to wear the right size clothes for my body. But that desire does not come above wanting the least possible chance of leaks.
I go about my day to day life pretty confidently, with the knowledge that if I did have some sort of bag mishap I’d be able to sort it out quickly, easily and with very little distress or emotional discomfort.
But all that changes when we are booked to go somewhere, somewhere where I am not easily able to sort myself out.
We were off out to Wembley Stadium to watch Coldplay in concert, our friends are huge Coldplay fans, so we wanted to go with them to enjoy it too.
I have seen Coldplay in concert at Wembley before and they were great, so I was really looking forward to seeing them again.
But the older I have gotten, the more aware I am of my comfort limits, and I have found that I like concerts less and less.
The Taylor Swift concert at Wembley last year really cemented my awareness of how much I dislike crowds.
I love escapable crowds, I enjoy cities, I love London, Paris, even Delhi (and it doesn’t get more crowded than that).
But at any given point I can just say I’ve had enough of this and jump in a cab and go somewhere less busy.
But at Taylor Swift last year I discovered to my horror that you can’t just leave the stadium, even if you aren’t waiting for a train to get out of there, we had a car waiting for us, but the police kettle you in place for ages, held behind fencing, with thousands upon thousands of people.
And that, that gives me huge anxiety.
Plus the queues for the loos are ridiculous.
If I were to get a school report now it would say “does not play well with others”. And that would be a fair assessment. Because being in a stadium with 90 thousand others is not for me.
So, I needed at least to dress in a way that relieved some of my stress, believing that I had the lowest chance of a bag leak possible.
I chose a dress, because it makes the most sense for free flow of output. I took a hand bag big enough to hold plentiful spare supplies.
Dress from Burberry, Shoes from Hermes, Bag from Goyard.
Chris cracks me up in hospitality at Wembley. He disappeared at the Taylor concert and came back with an air brushed on tattoo.
And he did the same this time too, I should probably assume that’s where he is if I can’t find him. 🤩😂
I decided to get one as well this time.
I did things a little differently this time. I went to the loo as soon as I needed to go, even if it meant missing bits of the concert. That way there was less of a queue for them.
And once the concert finished we hung around in the hospitality area where they put on more food and a little disco.
Which meant that when we left we had let the crowds die down significantly.
Coldplay were fantastic! They know how to put on a great show, but I’m pretty sure it was my last ever concert.
The following day I discovered the tattoos are quite well fixed to your skin 😂😬
Dress from Doen x Gap, Shoes from Hermes
I had invited my parents and Ben to Sunday lunch, Erin was back in Liverpool visiting her family, or I could have finally cooked something nice for her, rather than the other way round.
I decided I wanted to cook a roast chicken I’d seen on With Love, Meghan.
I personally love her, and her show, if you don’t feel the same way that’s okay too, neither of us will change each other’s minds on that. Nor would I seek to.
I find the program very enjoyable and soothing, and it does inspire me to try things.
I laid a nice table because that is something that brings me joy, and in a world of such sadness and suffering I like to grab any joy I can.
(There’s very little we can do to change it too, so I donate to a few charities who are trying to make a difference. WCK, MSF, Warchild, Save the Children).
Some people may cook their roast chicken like this anyway, but I don’t, so this was new territory for me.
This chicken was the best I’ve ever cooked. So moist and flavourful.
I had some very happy diners, and they were probably a little surprised with how well it turned out.
It was a great success, and to be honest, it was a surprise to me that I managed it. :)
Two of my favourite boys 🥰
The next day I drove down to pick my mum up to take her to visit her sisters.
I very much enjoy their company, so it was my absolute pleasure.
Top and Jeans from M&S, Shoes from Chanel, Bag from Dior.
These are a new style of jean for me, so I just bought the one pair to start with. Then when I’d worn them successfully a few times I invested in some more pairs.
They fit and feel some comfortable, and yes, they’d look better in a size down, but it’s either size up and flow freely or go without.
And I’m just not the go without kind. 🤩
They look flattering on, and are loose enough to eat/poop in.
Is that a thing that the unbagged have to consider? No. But is it a small price to pay for a very enjoyable life? Yes! 🙌🏻
Blazer and Jeans from M&S, T shirt from Ralph Lauren, Shoes from Scarosso, Bag from Dior.
Sometimes, if I’m not venturing far I will wear something that has more chance of causing problems, not because I’m into risking smelling, but because I’m prepared to risk it as I’m near home.
But I’d never go out for a big day out in them, or for a meal.
I’d reserve these tighter, less stretchy jeans for popping to Tesco or just out and about in my local area.
Top from Ralph Lauren, Jeans from M&S, Shoes from Tod’s
Top from The White company, Jeans from M&S, Shoes from Dior, Belt from Hermes
They feel great on, and I had no problem with my output at all, but it’s not guaranteed so I just keep them for local use.
Friday night last week Chris and his friend Matt were going into London to a book tour thing with the author of a book about the siege at the Libyan embassy in London in the 80s.
So Kim and I decided that we’d head into London and go for dinner.
We all drove up to London together and they headed for their event and we headed to Chutney Mary (where else?).
I text Kim to ask her what vibe she was going for with her outfit…
And she said “let’s be two boss bitch CEOs going out for a business dinner”.
And that is a dress code I can get behind! 😂
Dress from Me & Em, Boots from Selfridges, Bag from Dior
I bought this dress a few weeks ago. I tried it on and felt fabulous in it, I didn’t really have anywhere in mind to wear it but Chris said it looked so good to just get it and the occasion will find me.
So this is what my CEO self would wear!
For me, the only thing in life that’s a problem is ill health, the rest is all made up. So we might as well just lean in and enjoy it and just play.
The food is always outstanding, the ambience is elite. It’s just a really good place to be.
This dress is a little more restrictive than I would normally consider, but it has a slight stretch to it’s tightness, so I thought it was worth the risk.
I hoiked it up a bit when I sat down to eat, so any output had the chance to flow freely.
We were at our table for hours, I assumed they’d ask us to move back to the bar after a couple of hours, but they didn’t.
Then one of the reception staff came over to speak to us, and I assumed it was to move us along but she bent down to say;
“Ladies, the husbands are in the bar, I’ve got them settled with drinks, and told them you are enjoying yourselves, so there’s absolutely no reason to rush, just head up when you’re ready”.
And that is what I call good service. 🥰
A fun night all round. 🤩
I don’t drink alcohol at all, and Kim doesn’t drink much these days as she has two children to parent.
But Chutney Mary have a really good selection of non alcoholic, but alcoholic looking/tasting drinks.
I like the feeling of a wine glass, even if I don’t like the feeling of wine.
The following day I went loose on the clothing because I find alternating a very good idea.
Top from Ralph Lauren, Trousers from M&S, Bekt from Hermes, Shoes from Scarosso.
These trousers should come with a health warning. I was in a rush on Saturday afternoon and I somehow managed to get one foot caught in the trouser leg of the other leg. Oh my god did I go down like a sack of potatoes! Hahahah.
Sadly the spectacular fall was out of range of our CCTV, which was of a great disappointment to all the family. 😂
I am battered and bruised, and no comedy video to accompany it. :)
I’ve been creating a few different things lately. I’m not creative in any way, so when the mood takes me I have to make the most of it.
Coming up for 2 years ago I decided to do a little crafting project. But as I am shit at all crafts I chickened out, and I sort of hoped Chris would step in (I am a one woman job creation scheme…interesting for someone so unfamiliar with actual work).
Anyway, it didn’t happen, so it just sat staring at me for nearly 2 years, taunting me. But on Saturday for some reason I felt capable…and as it turns out I was all along.
I bought an old sylvanian families house on eBay for £10 and some spray paint on Amazon for £8.
Sylvanian families houses really do lend themselves to being fabulous haunted houses and mansions, they have that gothic revival style about them.
Imagine this being done with the soundtrack of Painted Black by the Stones playing. I’m so cool 😂
How cute is that! It turned out better than I could have hoped for.
EBay have a great selection of other houses too if you fancy making one in time for Halloween.
Then Sunday we decided to create a few of the dishes from a cookbook by one of the founders of Chutney Mary (yes, there is a good chance we have simply swapped one addiction for another).
This meal took a lot of time. The prep time was vast, with soaking the lentils and chick peas overnight and other bits.
Plus the cooking time was long too, but my goodness me the end result was so so good.
The naans were a recipe from this series of With Love Meghan, and they are delicious.
It might be dangerous to know how to make them 😬😋
We had a day at home pottering about so we took the opportunity to do our autumnal decorating.
I say we, I mean me, but Chris and Ben put it up for me.
The pumpkins are home grown and all my own work. I grow a patch of them every year, but this year’s ones are a little disappointing. They are tiny and already ripe so there’s not much chance they’ll last till Halloween, so I’ve gone early and made it more of a harvest festival display.
I sent some pumpkins home with Sam for Zak, and I invited my adorable little neighbour over so he could pick his own pumpkin.
He chose well :)
I have been trying to be more active in my kitchen, it’s a beautiful room, but I’m a terrible cook.
But I saw a recipe on instagram and thought I’d give it a go with some modifications.
The lady made a chocolate pudding, but I can’t eat chocolate. So I left that out and added in peanut butter.
I managed to find one that is just peanuts and salt, and no other ingredients.
What I made looks incredibly unappealing, it’s just a greyish goo, so I named it Suze Goop…
Enjoy hahahaha
Add yoghurt, dates, chia seeds, kefir, milk, vanilla extract and peanut butter to a blender. Whizz it all up…
…And you get this dead flesh coloured, but very tasty and very high in fibre dessert.
It tastes way better than it looks.
My crop of home grown veggies wasn’t a great success this year, and I have decided to not bother with anything but pumpkins and Christmas trees from now on.
All the rest of the veg I grew went to waste as the weather just wasn’t right. It was too hot and too dry for the other crops.
I realised once you factor in the water meter usage it’s far cheaper to buy veg than grow it.
Small but very expensive…which is also how you could describe me 🫣😂🥰
We’re off for more exciting adventures soon. I love this life, it’s worked out so much better than I ever imagined possible. ❤️
Keep well, stay safe, as ever I’m here for you if you want me. Always happy to chat.
I can’t give medical advice because I’m not medically trained, but I can give life experience information, and very happily so. Xx