A couple of weeks ago I had an interesting interaction where again a person said to me that they’d rather die than have a stoma bag.
They weren’t in any medical condition to actually need one, so it’s an interestingly bold statement to make, it’s an easy thing to say if you aren’t facing any peril from cancer etc.
Although I don’t agree with the sentiment, I definitely understand it (…to a degree).
Depending on the deliver’s intention;
*”I’d rather die than have a bag!!”(Ewwwwwww, yuk, that’s disgusting, and I’m too fabulous to have poo struck to my abdomen, eewwww).
Or
*”I’d rather die than have a bag”. (I’m scared, it’s such an alien concept to me, I don’t think I’d cope, I’m not resilient enough to survive a good life with it out in the world etc etc).
Intention matters, and makes all the difference to how I react. I mean, really? What could I really say in response? It’s their opinion and choice.
I don’t take it personally because I love my life, and I’d do anything to keep it.
Other people’s preferences are none of my business or concern. It’s down to everyone’s personal prerogative, and mine was to flourish and thrive with a stoma.
That said it is the latter of the declarations I can empathise with, because it is incredibly traumatic and shocking to be told you need to walk round with a bag of shit stuck to your abdomen.
I get it, I really do ~ I didn’t feel I’d rather be dead ~ and I’m pretty sure it’s not polite etiquette to say it to someone who actually does have a bag ~ but I understand the essence of the statement.
Even me, the most stoma happy little bunny you’ll ever meet, rather melodramatically (in hindsight), felt my life would be spent indoors, never venturing further than the garden, never seeing friends, never having a life outside.
I think we can safely say I blew that expectation apart!
Once I was well enough after my surgery I was off out loving life, and I’ve never looked back.
Six months after surgery I was laying on a beach in Cuba, sipping mojitos, I won life! I’m still winning every day.
We fear the unknown, we fear change, we fear we’re not up to the job. It’s all perfectly understandable.
Which is why I write my blog, because I didn’t know anyone who had a stoma, and I was scared about how life would be with one.
So people who are diagnosed after me can maybe see just a sliver of light, a tiny little beacon of hope…yeah, I called myself a beacon of hope, it’s not big headed it’s merely an observation.
I happily let people know, bagged, un-bagged, cancer free or otherwise that life is worth living.
I didn’t have anyone I could look at and say “oh a bag, no worries, I can do that!”
I didn’t know if I’d be able to live well, be well or dress well.
And whether you like my style or not no one can say I don’t wear nice clothes, and look presentable to the outside world and society as a whole. I am not sidelined or banished, I have lived very happily ever after. :)
Unless I choose to tell, or if I’m a bikini you’d never even know I had a bag attached to me.
My body my choice, I get to decide if I am open and honest about having a stoma, but I can understand why others may prefer to keep it quiet. There is no expectation for people to be bold as brass singing from the rooftops about their stoma.
I do it because I want to, and one day if I wake up and don’t want to anymore I won’t. It’s as simple as that.
Most people I have met who have stomas come to terms with it. Some take days, some take months, some take years, but most do find peace with it.
It’s a lot to take in, it’s a lot to deal with, but a good life is possible.
And every second I’ve been given extra on the planet, because of my stoma, has been worth it.
When the person said what they said I just felt very sad for them. I didn’t take it personally.
I can understand the reluctance and horror of the situation, even if I don’t relate to the rather be dead part.
Dead’s pretty final don’t you think, it’s a bit much in comparison to what my life is like. 🫣😬🤩
But I’m not going to stand and argue about something as it’s not about me in that moment, it was about their feelings of despair.
If you are awaiting surgery I promise you that the lived experience will not be as scary as you thought it would be.
I’m not saying everyone will feel as okay about it as I do (I am a very odd person), but you will find peace at some stage.
Funny to think that I thought I’d never leave the house and never see my friends or family again, and now I’m never home! I may have over-corrected 😂
I’ve been having a blast, and my outfits have brought me a great deal of pleasure…
(I bumped into someone at the weekend who has been recently diagnosed with bowel cancer. There is a lot of it about, so please take care. Be vigilant, take steps to ‘try’ and prevent it happening.
They didn’t have to have a stoma, which is great news! Not all bowel cancer diagnosis lead to it, it’s important to know that.
They are doing really well and recovering nicely).
I think it’s fair to say I don’t ever squander my extra time on this planet.
I refuse to believe that I am living a lesser life than someone un-bagged.
I enjoy my life very much, the good, the bad, the in-betweens, all of it.
It’s all absolutely unbelievably amazing!
Dress from M&S, Shoes from Hermes, Bag from Dior
I’m keeping up with my exercise routine. Nothing major, just walking and a bit of cycling, but rather adventurously I added in some weights, I know!! Saucy little minx aren’t I!
I bought a set of dumbbells, so I do a few exercises with them whilst watching television.
But I also added in a little something extra. I saw a post on instagram (where I do most of my learning) the lady said she keeps kettle-bells at the top and bottom of the stairs. So on each journey up and down she picks one up and takes it with her.
It’s such a simple little trick to add in more strength training.
Muscle is the biggest factor in longevity, I know this, I understand this, but I’m not a gym person, so I needed to find other ways to get my muscles boosted.
So far so good, I’m not giving Arnold Schwarzenegger a run for his money, but I am giving me from 5 weeks ago some competition!
Gym wear from Tesco, you’re going to have to use your imagination for this one 😂
Luckily I live in a village with plenty of beautiful walks to explore.
Outfit from Tesco, Shoes from Hermes
I text Chris at work, and asked if he fancied fish and chips at the beach when he got home. And luckily for me, although he is borderline phobic of sand, he does love chippy chips at the beach.
I thought we’d better make the most of the light evenings, as they’ll soon be slowly fading away.
It was a tad blowy-er than I had anticipated.
He’s very kind as he always comes on to the sand for a walk and photos. Even though it makes his skin crawl.
My fish and chips order from the chippy is;
Two battered cod (all batter removed) so it’s just the white fish (full of protein)
Two pots of mushy peas (Full of fibre and protein).
Utterly delicious and a very nice way to spend an evening.
The weekend before last, we went out to look for a new car for Chris, and then we decided while we were out to take a picnic to the polo club we belong to.
We weren’t brought up in the horsey set. Not much polo to be found in Romford I imagine, but we got into it a few years ago whilst client entertaining and loved it.
So we try and go as much as possible.
Shirt and trousers from Ralph Lauren, bag from Dior, Shoes from Scarosso
We took a fabulous picnic - lazy bitch that I am I bought picky bits from M&S and sat watching the games. :)
That same weekend we had a lovely day out planned for Ben’s 27th birthday. He planned it so it was even better.
Top and trousers from M&S, Shoes from Hermes, Bag from Goyard
Ben chose Akara at Borough Market, it’s Nigerian/Brazilian fusion cuisine.
I very much enjoy Nigerian food, and Gambian food, they are new additions to our life and menu of dishes, but we have been really enjoying it and getting to know more about it.
Awwww, my baby boy is 27 🥰
Ben, Erin and their friends headed off to watch football in a pub near by, and as much as I love Ben, it’s not quite enough to watch football in a pub nearby 😬😂
So Chris and I headed off up town.
And then we got a bit peckish at dinner time, so rather than head home for cheese and crackers, Chris booked us into Chutney Mary! Hahahah
Did we need two huge meals in one day? Absolutely not.
Did we do it anyway? Absolutely yes!
All while having fun I was also having a problem with UTI symptoms. Not fun at the best of times but definitely not fun if you can’t get a doctor’s appointment.
I decided that as I couldn’t get seen by a GP in a good time frame I might as well go to the pharmacy and get the 3 day course of antibiotics that they are able to give out.
(3 days has never been good enough for me, it calms it down but it doesn’t clear it, but I was desperate at this point and thought I could get more antibiotics once I could get a GP appointment).
I came home Monday morning and took one tablet of an antibiotic I’ve taken before, and 45 minutes later my hands started to itch and burn, and turn red and blotchy.
I thought I must have touched something. But then the burning rash started to spread, everywhere. And I realised something was amiss…I’m smart like that! 🫣😂
I started shaking like I had a fever, emptying from every where possible, I managed to ring Chris, and just say “need help”.
The poor man had no idea what was happening but came straight away…
…To be greeted by the sight of me, retching into the toilet, bag filling, bright red all over where the rash ceased to be a rash, as it had all joined up so I looked like a cooked lobster…and for reasons unknown I’d stripped off all my clothes in panic.
He’s a lucky man that’s for sure! 😳😬🫣😂
I feel like I really do push the in sickness and in health promise too far, that poor man.
He is my hero every single day.
He very quick thinkingly shovelled antihistamines into me, literally saving the day!
I had tried 111, but they didn’t come back to me for 5 hours, so thank god for Chris. I say this everyday, but very much so that particular day.
I was feeling much better once I’d had them.
Annoyingly just before I took the antibiotics I had been messaging with a friend and we had arranged to meet up the next day for lunch at The Ned.
I sent her some garbled messages about my predicament and cancelled. It was not even 45 minutes after we’d spoken and booked it.
This is a very visual representation of the saying;
If you have your health you’ll have a thousand problems…if you don’t have good health you only have one.
Thankfully I was fine after the antihistamines.
I then managed to get a bupa GP phone appointment, she told me not to take any more of the original medication…I wasn’t planning on continuing funnily enough…she prescribed a different antibiotic for the UTI.
So I was able to get back to my friend Nat and say I am coming after all 🥰
Like I said, I don’t want to miss out on life, even with hiccups along the way.
Apparently you can become allergic to something, even if you’ve had it before with no problems. 🤷🏼♀️
Top from The White Company, Skirt from Ralph Lauren, Shoes Hermes.
The Ned is a fabulous place. We had such a nice time.
I was so happy to see Nat, she’s a superhero to be honest.
My journey through cancer was relatively easy (relatively), but she has had a really tough time of it, all of it endured with a beautiful smile on her face and a spring in her step. She’s a star.
After a very nice lunch I headed off shopping, I’d seen a few things advertised on instagram (obvs) from M&S.
Loads of young, beautiful, influencers were showing off this beautiful coat.
I thought I’d pop in and have a try…reader, it’s safe to say I’m none of those things! 😂
The said coat aged me by 30 years, I looked like some eccentric old bint, aristocrat out to survey their land. Hahah, I ripped that off quick smart!
But while I was there I saw this beautiful shirt with diamantés on it. And I’d seen some similar in Maje the week before. So I thought I’d have a try.
It felt nice on and so sparkly and cute.
Maje inspired but not a copy, but with a much smaller price point.
I felt so much better than the day before, which was a relief, I was able to really enjoy the day out.
I stopped at a Gail’s on the way home and got Chris and I some treats.
Top and trousers from Ralph Lauren, Shoes from Tod’s.
I had a lovely day out planned, Chris had told me about The Conservatory at the Barbican Centre, and very kindly booked me a ticket.
Shirt from M&S, Trousers from Micheal Kors, Bag from Goyard, Shoes from Chanel.
It’s a really interesting place to visit. It’s free to get in but you do have to book it.
I’m not a fan of the architecture at the Barbican Centre, I appreciate I’m probably alone in this, its just not my cup of tea.
It’s a fascinating place though.
The conservatory tropical garden is beautiful. They have some really interesting plants. And it’s amazing to think they are growing in the middle of London.
I was having a lovely time, and then unfortunately someone was very sick at the entrance/exit and it set off my anxiety of vomit.
You’ve never seen me move so fast, clambering over the reception desk to escape.
I appreciate the person being ill was having a worse day than me but it sent me into a blind panic.
I ran, but the Barbican is a maze, so I couldn’t find my way out, I was getting sweatier by the second.
I asked a couple of they knew how to get out and they said they were as lost as I was. I asked if I could join them on their quest to leave.
It seemed better to be lost in the company of others. The man did so well and after a considerable amount of time finding dead ends we finally found the way out.
Where I thanked them profusely, and I ran again to get away from the thought of the chaos at the conservatory entrance.
If you look closely at this photo you can see some of the flats in the Barbican, it wouldn’t be my choice to live there.
I just jumped on a train and blindly headed into central London with no clear destination or plan.
But really rather spookily I came out of an Elizabeth Line exit directly opposite an antique jewellery mall I had seen on…yeah, you guessed it, Instagram!
I didn’t actually know where it was so it was a really lovely surprise. I went in to peruse greenery of a different nature, it seemed rude not to take up the opportunity as the universe had given me the chance.
It was incredibly soothing, and no one was throwing up. :)
I didn’t buy anything, but if I had any money I’d be in there like a shot. It’s called Gray’s and it has many different vendors inside.
I love antique jewellery, you get so much more value for your money.
I saw some beautiful Old Mine Cut diamond earrings that at one time had been a brooch, but now broken up to wear in a more modern way.
And this ring was 🥰
I then headed to Selfridges, where I bought some winter boots (I like to prepare early) and had a general mooch round.
I’ve always said I’d like to be buried in a picnic hamper style coffin. But now I’ve seen this glorious thing feel this is the only one to have!
I met Chris after he finished work, and headed to Me & Em to see what they had new in.
The new season hadn’t been released to the shop floor but they very kindly brought some of the new pieces out to show me, and I fell in love with these trousers and top.
Me & Em now have a variety of leg lengths available! Yay!! I feel seen. 🤩
Trousers bought we headed to dinner at Masala Zone at Piccadilly.
If I had to choose one meal to eat for the rest of my life in would be naan and dhal.
Heaven, absolute heaven.
In the spirit of trying to consume more fibre I made a little jam/compote I’d seen posted by a doctor I follow.
It’s so ridiculously easy that even I can do it!
Add frozen raspberries to a bowl, microwave for 30 seconds to a minute, depending on how much you are using.
Mash them up once heated.
Stir in as many chia seeds as you like. I put loads in.
Put it in a container and leave them to soak.
Add to more fruit and yogurt for a very quick and easy fibre booster. It tastes amazing too!
This was a total success, surprisingly so.
You could even use it as a jam to spread on bread.
I think each pot is 5-7 grams of fibre.
Adult humans need at least 25-30 grams a day.
Saturday we spent the day with my lovely cousin and her husband. We met for lunch at Arros, in London.
We had such a lovely time, but my uti symptoms were back again, so I wasn’t at my best.
Dress from Me and Em.
I adore these two! They are such great fun.
I had a nice time but I did have to call it a day, and said to Chris I need to go to a chemist for the uti again.
I was hoping to get something to help but the pharmacist said I needed to go to a walk in clinic or hospital as I couldn’t leave it untreated.
So off we went to a walk in centre in Soho.
They were really nice and helpful, but it’s nurse led so all they can give out is the 3 day course that I’m allergic to.
So that was no good at all.
Chris then rang a Harley Street GP practice and caught the doctor just before he was heading out for dinner.
He wasn’t happy to give me more antibiotics but he said he would if I promised to see a doctor in person as soon as possible.
I told him I’d already booked the appointment for that for the next week, so he gave me some more antibiotics.
Which was very handy as we were off to Norfolk for the rest of the bank holiday weekend.
It wasn’t an immediate cure, but at least I knew it wasn’t getting any worse, so I could go off and enjoy the weekend.
Dress from Me & Em, Shoes from Hermes.
We headed to my besties house for a fabulous family bbq.
It was so good, and so lovely to catch up with people we haven’t seen in years.
Good food, good company, great location, great fun!
Absolutely fabulous to see some wonderful people, we’d not seen in years.
Happiest with him. 💙
We got up and left the hotel early Monday morning, it wasn’t somewhere you’d want to hang round to be honest. It wasn’t that cheap either but British hospitality can be very hit and miss. And this was a miss. 😬😂
It served its purpose, we used the bed and the shower and left early the next day. We headed to a deli that Michelle had recommended, their croissants are prize winning so I needed to try them.
I bought loads of different goodies and we headed to the beach for a breakfast picnic.
We’ve never had a breakfast picnic at the seaside before but I’d definitely like to again. It was fabulous!
Even Chris was ok, but that could have been all the delicious food I’d bought for us.
Shirt and trousers from Ralph Lauren, Jumper from Hollister, Shoes from Scarosso
Breakfast picnics are a now a new tradition.
Then we headed up the coast to another lovely beach.
North Norfolk is spectacularly beautiful, and one of my favourites places in the world.
I had wanted to go on a seal spotting boat trip but we couldn’t find any for that day.
Anyway, we were walking along the beach when I overheard a woman say to her child something about seals. 🦭
So I stopped to ask her about it and she said “yes, right there!”
And on a sand bank, basking in the sun, enjoying watching children play on the beach were two lovely big seals.
They could have easily gone to one of the sand banks further away from people, but they seemed to enjoy people watching.
My heart was so happy!!
I love seals, sea lions, all those cuddly looking sea lifes (not sharks or anything stingy)
I waded out to get a closer look without going too close.
I could watch them for hours. How lucky to see them, and what a lovely surprise.
Wells Next The Sea is glorious. We had a long walk, unintentionally so, we are not made for long walks in nature.
We like pavements and coffee shops and restaurants.
But we managed this long one which I was very pleased with. Beach walking adds to the exercise as it’s more difficult than solid ground.
We had a lovely time, and then headed back to the town for fish and chips. What more could you want on a beautiful sunny day…well, cakes as it turns out, and I found a lovely little artisan bakery for that 🧁
As promised I went to a physical doctor’s appointment on Tuesday morning.
She has given me a longer course of antibiotics and a referral to a urologist as a precaution, with no expectation that anything is off.
She explained that I was probably always destined to be allergic to that original antibiotic, but it just took a few times for it to kick in.
Dress from Me & Em, Shoes and Bag from Dior.
A lady in the carpark at the hospital stopped to tell me how nice I looked and where the dress was from, so that was lovely - and put a little spring in my step, when I’m feeling a little less than springy. 🥰
For the rest of this week I shall be at home hoping this bloody uti fecks off if you need me for anything. 🤩😂
Keep well, eat fibre, see you soon. Xx