This isn't a clothing suggestion blog today, its a mini rant.
Flicking through the channel's a few nights ago we happened to end up on TLC (never heard of it? no, nor me) anyway we found ourselves watching a program, unsure of what its content would be I pressed select to find out what it was called - "Too ugly for love?". A depressingly sensationalist title, designed to spark curiosity, which I suppose in a way it did but only because the people on the show were perfectly fine looking people with seemingly pleasant personality's. How could the title explain the content?
Imagine my horror when it unfolds that the perfectly nice looking gentleman with what came across as a decent personality explained his reason for being on the show was because he has a stoma, an ileostomy to be precise, and that he and the producers felt that was enough to put him in the category "Too UGLY for love".
I take exception to this for three reasons;
1, no one on this planet is too ugly for love, what a ridiculous notion.
2, who is anyone else to judge someone on looks alone
and 3, a stoma isn't enough of a reason to be considered ugly or anything near it.
I felt upset for myself that self doubt should be seeded into my mind and saddened for those watching the show who haven't come to terms with their stoma's, I can imagine what a crushing blow it would be to see how having a stoma was regarded for the entertainment of others.
I really struggled with the concept of having to have my colostomy when my oncology surgeon told me that's what would have to happen for my best chance of survival. I was distraught and traumatized and said to my husband how could you ever want me once that's been done? his answer has stayed with me forever "I would want you even more because it'll make you even more precious, a reminder that I'm the luckiest man alive to still have you with me and in all honesty it wouldn't even matter to me if you were just a head in a jar as long as I could still spend time with you". When I came round from my operation and I saw my stoma for the first time I felt a rush of emotion, much like a new mother has for her new born, all my fears and irrational thoughts disappeared instantly (which in itself came as a shock to me and those round me) I appreciate this is a very unusual reaction to have and I also appreciate I am very lucky to have met and married a wonderful man, we've been married 20 years next month and I'm still as besotted by him as when I first met him.
The program's title was crass and hurtful. It would have been better named "Too self conscious for love", albeit less catchy but a more honest assessment of all those involved, who as far as I could tell were really lovely people with deep insecurities. I could only hope that no one watching was facing an AP resection or any form of ostomy operation or someone struggling with a stoma post op, be it a colostomy or ileostomy because it certainly wouldn't do much for ones self esteem, I have to say even I was deflated. So let me make it very clear right now, having my stoma hasn't changed me as a person, it hasn't stopped me being me and it certainly hasn't prevented me from being loved. I couldn't and wouldn't watch such drivel to the end, I voted with my remote and switched it off, shocked and dumbfounded. I would like to think it redeemed itself in the end by reassuring the participants and audience alike that there is no such thing as being too ugly for love but I fear the damage has already been done and the seed of its poison already sown in some other poor insecure souls head.
I don't consider myself to be stunning, a hopeful 4 would be my honest assessment of myself, although that hasn't changed from before my op, but I look in the mirror and I like what I see, its not really about aesthetics is it? Its about the inside and how I feel. Beauty is only skin deep and I have more to offer than my outside shell.
TLC would do well to take a leaf out of its title and treat people with some TLC rather than the insensitive claptrap they put out the other night. Let me finish this rant by saying that anyone that would reject you for your outer wrapping is the luckiest escape you'll ever have!
I certainly didn't consider myself too ugly for love when I had these photos done. In fact I felt fabulous and I won't be letting some TV show derail that.