Hi!
I’m back, thanks for your patience, and thank you for the messages, it’s always so heartening to hear from people. But people actually caring how I am is so touching. I feel very very fortunate to have made so many wonderful connections (and friendships) in this world. It is a privilege that I value greatly.
I had that cold/covid virus a few weeks ago which took me out of action for a fair while.
Then I was just building myself back up after that and I went down with a stomach bug last week.
Honestly I am frazzled. Plus I’m also dealing with what I think is silent reflux, although sometimes it ain’t so silent!
The last few weeks have really taken its toll on my digestive system, it’s already the hardest thing to balance in my life as it is.
Plus plus I’ve had a few weeks of very high stress caused by a health issue (which my brain decided to turn into an all out crisis).
So all in all what a delightful few weeks it’s been!!
If you are going through anything right now, you have my full sympathy, and I am sending love.
It’s a rotten place to be. It’s so hard. It can feel incredibly isolating when you’re going through health problems. Or any other kind of problem come to that.
I won’t bore you too much about mine, but suffice to say, I am absolutely okay now, or at least I will be soon.
I spent 3 weeks in a tailspin, spiralling out of control, intrusive thoughts raging, anxiety through the roof...only to open my NHS app last week to find a note that said ‘No further action’ was needed for the cluster of cysts on my liver.
I had some scans a few weeks ago, all seemed okay apart from finding the cluster of cysts on said liver.
I’m sure most of us have all sorts of weird and wonderful things going on inside us that we know nothing about, so at first I wasn’t too concerned.
But it wasn't helped by an unfortunate interaction with a medical professional who informed me they would definitely be checking me for cancer.
They probably thought that would help reassure me, but due to my history, it made me freak out.
Then once that terror had been unleashed, no one thought to contact me to tell me what the specialist said.
I just happened to be checking the app and found out that the liver specialist felt no more action was needed.
We really do need more tact and consideration when it comes to dealing with cancer survivors.
Although l imagine everyone would appreciate it.
Once I saw the note I felt I could finally breathe again.
All and any health related issues unravel my mind.
I’ve been there, I did not enjoy the experience. Yes, it made me stronger in some ways, but the fear of cancer returning is an all consuming terror.
Thankfully that was all sorted out. fabulous! Wonderful! Love to hear it!
Then the following day I went down with a stomach bug.
If you know me you will know that a fear of vomiting pre dates cancer by decades.
It’s probably at phobia level.
I have an obsession, keeping meticulous records of who’s been sick. Timings, dates, frequency etc.
I’m like an epidemiologist trying to stop a world wide outbreak.
I have severe dyscalculia, but if I’m calculating incubation periods of a person’s sick bug I’m like Rain man.
The last time I was sick with a stomach virus was over 17 years ago. I know this for a fact because I haven’t had a bug since Sam had cancer…17 years ago.
And so I most definitely haven’t had one since I’ve had a stoma (16 years ago).
You know me, you know I love my stoma life, for 16 years I’ve smugly looked down on the part of society with bum holes, I felt pity for them.
Oh the poor little provincial people with their old fashioned plumbing, they need to worry about both ends during a stomach bug, and I only have to worry about one!!
I always felt superior. In my mind I felt that If I got diarrhoea it’s really no bother to me whatsoever. Oh how smug I was, and that still stands, diarrhoea is no bother to me at all.
I’m bagged baby!!
Well I stand corrected in part. I have given myself a new fear! So that’s fun. 🤩
Because while I was vomiting into the toilet bowl…I pissed myself, and all over the floor, which I ended up sitting in the puddle of piss due to weakness and exhaustion
So that’s a new fear unlocked
What if it had happened while I was at the Foodbank in the day time.
I was there a few hours before this bug started. I’d have been covered in my own urine!! In public! In pale blue jeans, and there’s no hiding from a wet patches on pale denim.
I’m now having anxiety about this matter, oh glory be! 🫣😂
I was such a pitiful little wretch on the bathroom floor, hugging the toilet, poor Chris, the things that man has had to deal with over the years.
He was so kind, and so caring. He rubbed my back and held back my hair. He helped me shower (I needed it), he was the epitome of a good and loving human being.
This was particularly poignant, because I am a raging hypocrite. If the roles were reversed, and it were Chris who had a bug I’d have banished him to the furthest end of the house. I’d left food and drinks by the door, and would expect he’d leave a delay before opening it to retrieve anything I’ve left for him.
I have never claimed to be perfect, but it is made incredibly clear during stomach bugs that I am flawed. 😬🤩
I’ve subsequently spoken to a few people who have had the unfortunate weeing themselves whilst puking experience.
It’s of course not as bad as shitting oneself, but it was an unexpected event, and it did rip the smug smile off my face.
My pelvic floor is fucked by the way, just in case you were wondering…ironically that’s why I went for the original scan that happened to show up the liver cysts to start with!
So I do need to get that sorted. Hopefully it will be another 17 years or more till I get another tummy bug…but I want to be ready with a pelvic floor of steel for when the time comes.
…Oh yes, you’re quite right, I am absolutely as neurotic as this passage suggests. I never claimed I wasn’t. 😬🤩🥰😂
But I still get up and get out and love life. Just with all that neurosis running in the background.
I’ve been humbled and enfeebled by weeks and weeks of physical and emotional stress…but despite all that this what I got up to and what I was wearing whilst working through it! 🤩🤣
These trousers are waterproof and thermal, they were absolutely perfect for pumpkin picking.
For someone who isn’t an outdoorsy type I do own a lot of the appropriate attire for it.
Trousers from Acai, top from Ralph Lauren, Boots from Le Chameau
It was my dad’s 86th birthday a few weeks ago so it seemed like the perfect opportunity to get all the family together.
It was so lovely to have a packed noisy house again.
We had such a wonderful time. Lots of Halloween activities and general autumnal fun.
Do you remember me saying about rediscovering Levi’s, and that their 700s range are absolutely amazing.
It’s soft and buttery denim and perfect for accommodating a stoma.
Well, thanks to a beautiful young woman in my local store called Amy I discovered (was shown) that they do cords in a similar stretch.
So I snapped up a few pairs of them too. If I find something that works, I tend to obsess and over buy them.
I’ve not had cords in years!!
Jumper from M&S, Fake shirt from Temu, Cords from Levi, Boots from Dune
Erin’s sister and niece joined us for my dad’s birthday lunch so it was a lovely full house.
I said to Ben to go grab a chair from the dining room, he came back with a three metre long bench…because he’s silly like that.
Anyway, while my dad was out of the room, for reasons unclear we all decided to sit in a line and wait for his return to sing him happy birthday.
Which he loved! (😬😂 if you know my dad you will know this to be a lie😂).
When Zak was born we started calling my mum big Nan, because I’m Nana, and it always tickles my fancy.
Zak is nearly taller than her now. Ben definitely is 😂
Where I’ve not felt well since that bloody cold virus (which looking back was probably Covid) I only wear my day clothes for a bout 3 hours at a time.
Preferring to be in my pjs for the rest of it. I feel fatigued, it’s cold, the evenings are dark. Pjs are really the way forward.
It does mean I can re-wear my clothes because they’re barely worn.
Top from Me & Em, Cords from Levi
And again!!
Top from Intimissimi, Cardi from French Connection
I do have other clothes, but I’m not washing loads of laundry that I’ve barely worn, absolutely not thanks.
Top from Reiss, Jeans from Levi’s, Cardigan from Ralph Lauren, Shoes from Hermes
The weekend after we had guests over we decided to do nothing. Literally nothing.
Chris works hard and needs rest at the weekend, and I don’t work hard at all but I couldn’t be arsed to do anything at the weekend.
Saturday we pottered about with no plans .
Then Sunday Chris woke up and said he had a burning desire to make focaccia…having never made one before.
I said well that’s interesting because I have a burning desire to put my Christmas decorations up…it was the 1st November!
So we both did what made us happy that day!
This bread was heaven…
My decorations are coming along nicely, I don’t go over the top or anything, I’ve only put up 5 trees so far! 🤩😂🎄
I put a lot of thought and effort into my design for the season.
If you think I’m going to put that much work into it for just 2 weeks think again.
It’s not too early for me. (I seem to get an awful lot of people tell me it’s too early, or as I call them, the Twirlies! If I’m putting them up it’s clearly not twirly for me!)
There are very few benefits of being an adult, but self determination has to be the main one surely. 🤩
Jumper from Ralph Lauren, Fake Shirt from Cos, Jeans from Levi’s, Shoes from Fendi
There’s a gap where I did nothing because I went down with the stomach bug.
I’m just getting over the trauma (yes, to me it’s traumatic), it’s been physically tough to get over too. I was still exhausted by the cold virus, then the bug, I’m in a lot of discomfort with reflux now.
I’m hoping this is a run of bad luck rather than a new normal.
I had to cancel a hair appointment because it fell 36 hours after I was last throwing up. And government guidance suggests leaving 48 hours before you mix with others.
So that was unfortunate, but my hairdresser (and dear friend) was glad of my cautiousness. No one wants a bug, even if you aren’t phobic of them.
Come the weekend I was going to a birthday party (59 hours after my last vomit). I checked with the host and she said of course it was okay to still go.
She also said ‘you silly bugger, it’s only you who’s manic about it’ 😬🫣😂🤩
So I went. My hair looks a mess because my roots are in desperate need of repair…yes, I hate to break it to you but I am not a natural blonde. I am a dark mouse at best, but probably an uninspiring light brown by now.
The dress code was pink, and I don’t really wear pink that often. But I did haul this out the back of the wardrobe and it worked a treat.
Dress from Nobody’s Child, Shoes from Louboutin, Bag from Aspinal’s
A man in the restaurant we were in mistook Ben as my husband, which naturally delighted me! Ben didn’t feel the same way, but I feel the dry heaving was a slight overreaction 🫣😬😂🤩
It keeps making me laugh even now! 🤣
The party was for my bestie’s daughter. It was such a wonderful day. Absolutely perfect in fact.
Happy 30th birthday darling Elle. 💖 xx
I have known Michelle since our first borns were 5 months old.
Chris works for her husband, and has done for the last 31 years.
Our husband’s introduced us in March 1997. And it was love at first sight, well for me anyway, she’s stuck with me whether she likes it or not in fairness 🤩
I adore their whole family as well.
It was her sister’s birthday on the party day, so happy birthday to you too Gina.
It was so lovely to catch up with everyone.
Lucie is one of the most beautiful women in the world, an absolute goddess of a woman!
She posted a bikini picture years ago and I said “oh my god this is exactly what I look like in mine too!”
As you can see Lucie and I are almost indistinguishable from each other. 🤩🤩
We are basically twins 👯♀️🤣
It was such a fab day! I got to catch up with My Maria who made it back for the party all the way from the UAE.
So although my roots are shameful, it doesn’t actually matter. Nothing really matters apart from being with people who make your heart sing and life glow. The rest of it is just invented noise.
(Unfortunately, my hairdresser went down with a virus the night before she had rebooked my hair in for. So now I will be heading off to Athens this week with the worst root regrowth ever. But again, it’s not important. I’d obviously prefer not to, but it’s very much a first world problem, I don’t think bad roots are going to prevent me from my role on the guidelines committee).
Sunday I was exhausted again, and felt completely washed out, but Ben and Erin had very kindly booked us tickets to a Christmas Fair.
It was okay, but very busy. So we stayed for a quick mooch and then went off to get a bit of Christmas shopping done, which by the way, I have finished. Yep!! Finished my Christmas shopping! 🛍️ 😍🤩😊
A very nice lady stopped me to tell me she loved my jacket, which was very sweet of her and perked me up a bit. I’m dying on my arse here.
So yay to the beautiful people who pay compliments, the world is a better place because of you. 🫶🏼
Jacket from Harrods, Jumper from Kate Spade, Jeans from Levi’s, Boots from Valentino.
Life really is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you’re gonna get.
I count myself as a lucky person. Because I get to spend time with the most incredible people on the planet. And nothing is more important and precious than that.
No matter what you are going through, life is always worth it. 🫶🏼💖
Ps, friendly reminder to book your colonoscopies.
A friend had one the other day and they found 3 little polyps she knew nothing about.
It’s such an important thing to have done. Those polyps can’t come back to hurt her now.
I don’t give much thought to what my life would look like now had I had a colonoscopy when I first started having problems.
Imagine having polyps removed in good time and never going through everything I went through. Wouldn’t that be awesome!!
Life is what it is, and I love it, but let’s face it, I probably would have equally loved it bag free.
A colonoscopy could save your life, and most definitely save you a lot of hassle. 🫶🏼
Keep well, avoid bugs, and if you find out how to do that please share your findings with me 🫣😬🤩😂🥰👏🏻👏🏻