I’ve had some really interesting conversations lately about stoma owning, and in particular, stoma positivity, and it’s honestly been the most rewarding experience.
I will be the first to admit that no one with a properly functioning bowel would delight in having to have a stoma.
(Although personally I do find them far superior and more convenient compared to the traditional plumbing we are born with).
I get it though, no one is going to be ecstatic about stoma surgery, it’s not every girl or boy’s dream to have one.
But for those of us that their bowels have in some way let us down, a stoma is a gateway to a good life.
I fully understand those who don’t agree with me on my feelings of contentment with my colostomy. I absolutely totally understand why you might not feel the same way.
But I happen to very much love my life with mine. I love what it has allowed me to do. How it’s shaped my existence after a brief and intensely unfortunate encounter with cancer.
I didn’t expect to feel so comfortable and confident about post surgery life ~ pre surgery, but I am delighted by how much I prefer it to what I had before.
I’m incredibly resilient, and I am thankful every day for that. It helped me start a new chapter in my life with gusto.
My bowel tumour was going to kill me, my stoma allowed me to survive it, I cannot feel any negativity about it.
I have been living off the high of survival ever since.
We have one chance at life. One!
It’s not a dress rehearsal, it’s not a practice run, this is it, so it’s wise to remember to live it like you are fully aware of that fact.
I’m lucky because my brain did its own automatic reset while I was unconscious having the surgery, and I came back fighting.
Fighting to get well, fighting to live every minute in joy, and I really do. I count my blessings for it.
I bumped into a fabulous surgeon recently who told me meeting me this year had changed his thoughts on stoma owning. It was a very special moment for me.
I was stunned into silence, and if you know me you’ll know that’s huge, as they told me what a difference it’s made to them.
I hadn’t realised that just living my life as merrily and as blissfully as I do could impact someone else so profoundly.
Literally just me enjoying life changed their perspective, which is very very humbling.
Thank you so very much A, your words meant so much, you recognised that I was really living, Not just surviving, but actually thriving, and loving my life.
Then last week my friend Marina reiterated the same sentiment and it made me feel so happy, and proud. I could have stayed silent after my surgery, I could have lived with my stoma secretly. But I decided to share my story to help those coming along behind, to give them the comfort ~ that I really could have done with back then.
It turns out I have made a difference, that feels very special, that’s all us humans really yearn for.
You could have all the material treasures in the world but it won’t feel like knowing you’ve helped someone, or knowing you’ve soothed someone else’s distress.
On top of all that, which was so heartening as it is, I was chatting to a friend who happens to be having some bowel issues at the moment. I was reassuring them that it’s bound to be something fixable, and to not worry too much about ending up like me, and they just casually responded that it wouldn’t bother them in the slightest if they did, and I was like “seriously? How come?”
And they just matter of factly said “because of you”
And I’m going to be absolutely honest here I was blown away, absolutely blown away.
My work is done. Not only have I normalised getting bowel issues checked, my friends aren’t horrified at the possibility of needing the same surgery because they see me living life at full speed in a little bubble of joy.
I’m not ready to leave this mortal coil yet, but I feel completely at peace that I made a tiny little difference in the world.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m no Dalai Lama type ~ I love material things, I am super super shallow, and love decadence and the shiny, but I am fully aware that it’s all bullshit ~ and only real joy can be found in profound personal experiences.
So I want to say thank you to the people who have made me feel incredible just lately, you have made my heart sing, and thank you to everyone who visits this blog to hear my ramblings.
Life is good.
🤍
I have gotten a bit lazy of late, I get all stress heady about packing bags for all the recent trips I’ve been on, and I can’t unravel it all enough to focus on anything else. I stopped doing the small amount of exercise that I was doing, but I have now been forcing myself to get out in the wild for some exercise.
I took myself off on a bike ride the other day and it felt so good to be back outside again.
PE kit from Tesco, Shoes from Nike
We headed out for dinner with friends the Friday before last. We had such a fantastic evening with them. We went to an Indian restaurant we hadn’t been to before, but I think we’d definitely go back again.
They had such a long list of starters we ordered them all between us, and made it into an Indian tapas night.
Can we just take a moment for this dress! It’s utterly dreamy.
It’s the most perfect dress for wearing with a stoma.
Bear in mind I have two hernias, 1 stoma and hormonal belly weight gain.
It’s just so bloody perfect for disguising my worst feature - my middle, whilst enhancing the better parts of my body.
I have another dress the same design from Maje, in a different colour way, which felt so good on when I wore it, I bought this one too.
Dress from Maje, Shoes from Jimmy Choo, Tan from my fabulous spay tan lady, the glorious Elle, at Bare_faced on Instagram.
I felt really rather fabulous in this outfit, especially with the tan.
Then on the Saturday it was back into London for more Indian food.
It’s no secret that I would eat curry for every meal if possible. In India we eat Indian cuisine for breakfast lunch and dinner. How could you not?
Top from LA Space, Jeans from Topshop, Bag from Dior, Shoes from Gucci.
I saw this T shirt on Lorna Luxe’s instagram story the other day and I knew I had to have one, it made me chuckle.
I ordered it at 3pm on the Tuesday, it arrived at 11.30am the following day. I have never had such a quick delivery in my entire life. It’s great quality too. It’s meant to be worn oversized, but I find that’s not a flattering look on an undersized person, and at 5 foot 3 inches I need all the help I can get to elongate my appearance.
We had a fabulous meal in Chutney Mary with our friends. Then headed out to do a bit of pre holiday shopping.
It’s such a simple thing isn’t it, going out for a meal, trotting around the shops, trying things on and enjoying time with friends.
Well, I couldn’t do that before my stoma surgery because I was so desperately poorly with misdiagnosed cancer, I couldn’t do those little things.
Which is why I can’t sit life out just because I have a bag of poo stuck to my abdomen…in simple terms, so what if I do. It’s no one’s business but my own. :)
My life isn’t, and doesn’t look like a lesser life for having a stoma. In fact, the complete opposite is true.
Then early on the Sunday morning I headed off to Spain House.
Yes, I know I said I was done with early morning flights, but this one snuck in.
I can’t cope with how awful early starts are, but as I was going over there alone, if I was a mardy bitch for the rest of the day it was only me that knew about it.
Top and Shorts from Ralph Lauren, Shoes from Jimmy Choo, Large Bag from Longchamp, Small bag from Strathberry, Stoma bag from Dansac 🤩
Does this lady off on her solo travels look like her life is less than, worse than?
I will not be told how I should feel, or what I should do.
Bikini from Tesco
(I bought a camera stand and remote control photo taker gadget for holidaying alone. It’s really very good. I also have this long stick thing for sun creaming my own back, which is vital for staying sun safe whilst alone).
I love spending time with people, but I’m very self contained and can happily be all alone.
Sometimes when I go to Spain I go a bit feral, but I was very good this trip. 🤩
Bikini from Hunza G, Cap from Gap x Doen
Swimming is absolutely possible with a stoma. In fact, everything is.
There’s only one thing I can’t do because of it, and it wasn’t something I was too bothered about to start with so no worries there.
I prepared actual meals, and buckets of fruit. Which sometimes falls by the wayside if I’m home alone.
But I am determined to eat 30grams of fibre a day in the attempt to stay healthy.
I made a plan of to live very well whilst alone this time, I even cooked some salmon, even though it was 34 degrees out.
I have discovered I’m not made for hell, so I might have to start behaving myself, because I was melting in that heat. 😉
Wednesday I had two airport runs to do. One to pick up my friend Fay who came over to visit from Yorkshire.
We’ve known Fay since she was 18, she worked at the same company as Chris, and she and I got on like a house on fire. She’s 42 now and we still do. :)
And then back to the airport later in the day to pick Chris up.
Co-ord from Tesco.
You need a trip photographer and two turn up on the same day 😂
Bikini from Tesco, Hat from Ale - Hop.
Fay and I spent a lovely day sunning, then I drove back to the airport to get Chris.
And this is where I decided to embarrass myself so spectacularly I’m still shuddering about it now.
I can’t take me anywhere, I actually think I might start needing parental supervision at all times, or maybe a circus ring master, for this clown show I call my life. 🤩😂
I had successfully picked Fay up from the airport on Wednesday morning, then went back to the airport that evening to pick Chris up.
To just add context, I like to be helpful, I really like to be thought of as helpful. It’s a borderline compulsion as it turns out.
As we entered the airport I noticed that someone waiting over at the arrivals gate area had the torch on their phone on. And it struck me that it would be wasting the battery, but didn’t think much of it.
But 5 or 10 minutes later when Fay and I were heading over to wait at the gate area ourselves to collect Chris I noticed that it was still on.
The owner of the phone (a child as it transpired) had seemingly no clue that it was on, because the phone camera was facing away from them, held up in the position you hold your phone to take photos or videos, but I hadn’t really registered that bit in my haste to be helpful.
So for reasons unknown, apart from my deep seated need to ‘help’ (or in this case absolutely unnecessarily get involved).
I approached her to say “you’ve got your torch on” she looked at me confused, and I realised that English was not her first language “your torch is on” I continued in my quest.
I have no idea why I didn’t just leave it at that when it slowly dawned on me that she didn’t actually speak a word of English, and therefore had no idea why some crazed English woman was getting up in her face gesticulating at her and her phone.
And this is where it get super cringe because I found myself reaching for the phone to show her the torch was on.
The horror and utter confusion on her and family’s faces will stay with me forever. I think they thought I was attempting to rob her. 🫣
It was at this point I realised that the child had been awaiting the arrival of an incredibly elderly relation, probably, I’d guess, a great grandmother. And that she was filming said momentous arrival on said phone.
It was seconds, fractions of seconds, but instead of a video to remember Nona’s ceremonial arrival, they have a crazed English woman close up saying in ever increasing volumes that their torch was on!!
All this was over and done with in mere seconds, but the embarrassment is still haunting me.
What the fuck did I get involved for?!? Why god why!!!!???
Can you imagine watching the video back, of what should have been Nona’s final arrival at an airport, and then seeing my stupid face so close up you’d be able to count my nose hairs!!
I rushed away, mortified and embarrassed, hoping they’d hurry their exit from the scene as soon as humanly possible. I would have left myself by I hadn’t picked Chris up at this point.
I was hyperventilating saying to Fay “What the fuck did I do that for!?”
To which she had no answer.
She said something about “you’d think the carer would have stepped in”
I said “oh, no, I don’t think they had a carer with them”
And she replied “not theirs!! Yours!!!!”
😂
…And I’m in agreement that Fay here! She derelict-ed her duty of care of me. I really feel she should have stepped in and stopped me 🫣😂
We headed back to the marina near our house, while I hoped I’d never bump into that family again, and I think we can all agree they’d hope that too!
Dress from Ralph Lauren, Shoes from Gina, Bag from Jimmy Choo
Thankfully Chris arrived so I had two people to stop me doing very me things.
*A couple of weeks ago on a drive home from London Chris and I were listening to the Off Menu podcast, with James Acaster and Ed Gamble.
The guest on that particular episode was Rodd Gilbert, he was funny and entertaining, and although I’ve listened to many episodes before, I felt inspired to give it a go, he happened to mention that he had the best dessert he’d ever had in his life was in a restaurant in Alicante, Spain.
It sounded right up our alley, so we booked a table and looked forward to giving it a try.
Alicante is only about an hour and a half from our house, so it seemed like the perfect plan.
Dress from M&S, Shoes from Hermes, Bag from Longchamp.
Alicante old town is utterly delightful, and this restaurant is an absolute must!
The food was incredible, so that was a bonus, seeing as we were only really interested in the dessert.
This monkfish might not look that great, but it tasted like heaven.
And then it was time for the finale…
It’s the top one on the menu
Look at her!!! She looks glorious and she tasted like nectar from the gods…
My only criticism, if I were pushed, would be that I assumed it went all the way to the bottom of the cow, but it was a fairly thin slice laid on the cow.
We had this ‘large’ portion to share, and when we go again, we’ll have a cow each. 🥰
One each would be not only advisable, it would be necessary. At the very least it saves me from biting you for it! 😂
We had a much needed walk around after and stopped for some drinks, as it was swelteringly hot.
And then headed home after a very successful visit.
A little adventure is always welcome.
The next day was very exciting also, Fay requested a beach day, and although Chris hates the beach he tagged along too.
Why? You may well ask, well Fay coaxed him to the beach with the promise of churros…and if I’d known it was that easy I’d have been doing so for years.
The young man at the churros stand gave us extra for free for some reason, so it was shaping up to be a fantastic day!
It wouldn’t be worth going to Spain if I didn’t go to my favourite ice cream shop in the world.
We ate, we beached, we ate some more and we read books and just completely switched off from the world.
Bikini from Hunza G
We had the most fabulous holiday. Chris said it’s been the most relaxing break he’s had in a long time. That’s either because he prefers Fay’s company, or the fact that Fay was there to entertain me meant he could zone out…I appreciate that I don’t come out too well with either of these options, but if you’ve ever met me, you’d totally understand his point. 🫣😂
It was just so chilled and fun, and Fay is no trouble at all. 🤩
Dress from M&S, Shoes from Gina, Bag from Jimmy Choo
Dress from Gap x Doen, Shoes from Gina
Well all headed to the airport at the same time as Fay’s flight to Manchester was half an hour after ours.
We arrived in the airport and I was determined to keep my nose out of other people’s goings on, to prevent a repeat of the earlier incident.
Anyway, I was so set on not embarrassing us, but life isn’t like that is it.
We stepped on to the escalator up to departures and for some reason I decided to lean on the handrail, well it turns out you can’t, or should I say, shouldn’t do that!
Because it spun me round and tumbled me down onto Fay, who had to save herself from being crushed by grabbing me - unfortunately, by the boobs.
It must have looked spectacularly funny to anyone watching, although Chris just shook his head in disbelief, although he should be used to my mishaps by now. 😂
I’m getting the feeling that I am cursed in that airport! 🫣😂
We arrived home and Ben, Erin, and Erin’s mum Julie came round so we could see them after their holiday to Albania, where they got engaged!!
So many congratulations to them both and welcome to the family Erin, although she was already, but now it will be official.
Wishing them a lifetime of happiness together. 🤍