Hello you, for the final time before Christmas, thank you for coming on this journey of discovery with me for the last year.
I hope a few things come across;
I hope people know that a stoma isn’t the end of the world, even though it may well feel like it at the point of diagnosis.
I hope people understand that happiness is a choice in some ways. I could have let cancer take my self worth and spirit, but I’ve always refused to give it any more oxygen than it already had.
I am well, I am lucky and I am grateful.
I hope it shows that I happen to love and appreciate my body, more now than when it was intact. I’ve seen how incredibly strong it had to be, and I can’t ever forget that. And that strength is a powerful force. It lifts me up every single day.
And I hope writing this blog shows that a stoma isn’t the negative that we are supposed to think it is.
I love my stoma life because it’s just my normal life. And in comparison to the misdiagnosed years, it’s been magical.
I enjoy the convenience of having a stoma, when everything is telling us the opposite to be true.
I personally find my life with a stoma very very easy. I appreciate this isn’t everyone’s opinion or experience.
I know, I get it.
Which makes me feel even more blessed that I have this indomitable feeling of joy and ease with mine.
I like my life, I enjoy it to the full.
I think it’s safe to say that travel with a stoma is do-able, even if a stoma isn’t as well behaved as mine. A short flight should be manageable even with a tricky stoma. And definitely worth trying.
I’ve been on 26 flights this year alone. I have loved going to new places, and revisiting old ones.
All I want to do for the rest of my life is travel and eat incredible food. Wouldn’t that be a dream.
Funnily enough, they were the two things I couldn’t do during the symptomatic/misdiagnosed years. Which probably does make it all the more sweeter now.
It’s cliched but we only have this one time here, this is not a dress rehearsal. This is it. So make the most of every single second. Don’t waste time on the unimportant stuff.
Don’t fall into the trap of “when…”
“When I’m thinner I will do ________”
“When I have more time I will do _______”
“When the time’s right I will do ______”
There is only now, no time to waste. If you want to do something try and make it happen now.
There is so much noise in this world. So much crap bombarded at us.
Live in the moment, with gratitude and you will always be happy.
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So what have I been up to?
Well, not much in the grand scheme of things, but simply doing things that make me happy.
I did however buy a pair of shoes that have brought me so much joy! Hahahah
Okay, so hear me out. When I bend down to do shoes and boots up it can force air through the filter of my bag, which then renders the filter useless for the rest of the duration of wearing it.
The amount of times this has happened. It drives me mad. I get myself all washed, dressed, dolled up, then bend down to put my shoes on and it’s game over for that bag, and I have to start all over again.
Yes, I am a strong, confident mermaid. But I am also human, with a distain of smelling like shit. I’m funny like that.
Summer is easier because I will be wearing loose clothes and slip on shoes. The pinnacle of ease.
Winter not so much.
But I saw some slip on Uggs, which struck me as the answer to my needs.
My specialised specific needs.
I didn’t realise how hard they are to get hold of, due to all the cute influencers loving them too, but I bought a pair from Laced (a third party reseller of brand new shoes).
They took an age to arrive, but definitely worth the wait. Step in, step out, no hands or bending required. Happy days. :)
I appreciate the influencer girlies aren’t wearing them so the shit smell doesn’t come out of their stoma bags. But there’s room for us all on this big beautiful planet.
Jumper from Ralph Lauren, Trousers from Tesco, Shoes from Ugg.
Gilet from Max Mara.
And in the same vein as easy and comfortable, these linen joggers from Tesco have been a revelation. I didn’t think I’d get much wear out of them. But an easy to wear, loose comfortable trouser is a godsend.
We’ve just had the most magical Christmas, okay, so we had it over a week early, but it was a now or never thing.
And it was very nearly a never due to my ability, or rather my dyslexic inability, to read and comprehend things.
Way back in July I asked everyone what dates they were available, and they responded, and I misread what was said and booked it for the 16th December.
This was not the day everyone said they could come. So imagine my distress and disappointment when the mishap came to light a few weeks back.
Milly was booked to do a craft fair on that particular weekend (she has an eco products company. Find them of instagram boundless_interiorsuk).
I was absolutely gutted, totally my mistake, but incredibly painful…probably more so because I fucked up.
Anyway, very kindly Milly suggested Sam and Zak come up on the Friday night by train. So that’s what happened.
I’m so thankful to Milly for suggesting it.
Fake Christmas was able to be saved (minus one). I will plan it better next year, I’ve asked that someone check my messages for me just to make sure.
So, Sam and Zak came by train on Friday night. Poor Zak had had a full day at school, and was full of the rotten cold that has been plaguing the UK right now, and had to catch three trains to get to us.
He must have been exhausted, but he didn’t stop his cheerful chattering from the moment we picked him up from the station Friday night to the moment we drop them back to Hampshire on Sunday afternoon.
He was utterly delightful the entire weekend. How he managed I have no idea. He’s been so poorly god love him. I wish I could say I’d have been just as chipper, but that would be a lie, I’d have been a right misog. :)
What to wear for Christmas (even Fake Christmas has standards to uphold) in the living room.
Blouse from Gap, Skirt from Ralph Lauren, Boots and Bag from Gucci
I absolutely bloody love this skirt. I bought it the day before Fake Christmas. It feels so nice on. I was going to wear it for real Christmas Day as well, but as I’ve just ironed it, and it took me ages, I’ve decided to save it for New Year’s Day, when we’re meeting up for lunch with all the family again.
It’s a very New Year’s event skirt.
Obviously I scaped the dinning table, because when you have very few tangible skills in this life, you better use them as often as possible.
I love to create something beautiful, something showy, a show stopper, a crowd pleaser, something that bit extra…because it’s the only thing I’ve ever been able to do well.
I really loved this one. The videos of it show it off better if you look at my instagram.
Fake Christmas was spectacular. Me and Chris, Sam and Zak, Ben and Erin and my mum and dad. It was as real as any Christmas Day is.
We’re not religious, so Christmas could be any day for us, I’ve done them in summer before now, so it really could be any day.
But I must have really immersed myself in the altered reality of the day, because when Sam said he needed to go and get Zak some Calpol (medicine) I panicked that there wouldn’t be any shops open that sell it on Christmas Day!!
My beautiful boys.
Zak very much enjoyed the role of Father Christmas, and wore the Santa hat and beard that my mum brought over, and sat in the sleigh to hand out all the gifts. So much so that I had to persuade him to have a rest and open one for himself.
It was Christmas!
And it was everything I could’ve dreamed of (Apart from the one person missing bit, for which I have apologised. And vowed never to do it again).
We then headed to a local street that is famous in the area for its Christmas lights display.
We’ve taken our boys since they were tiny, probably even younger than Zak is now. We were still taking them when they were teenagers, and even now they are 27 and 25 it feels like it’s important to still do.
I do find it peculiar if a house hasn’t joined in at all. Not even a door wreath. It must be so hard to see all that joy and happiness and not want take part, even just a little bit.
I think if I didn’t want to join in I’d have to get an illuminated arrow and point it to the neighbours house… ➡️ move along, nothing to see here. ;)
The houses that take part raise money for many and various charities, so we always take cash to post into the boxes.
If you are local, Nayling Road lights are a must.
The entire day was amazing. Sam cooked the whole full Christmas meal, he’s a very good cook (he did not get this from me).
Turkey, sirloin beef, salt beef, gammon, and all the trimmings, including the best sprouts that have ever been served in this house…so, unsurprisingly I had a lovely day, because all I had to do was lay a table and waft about like Lady Muck! Hahahahaha
The next day (Fake Boxing Day) we had a chilled morning, then headed to Newbury in Hampshire, where Milly was selling her wares at the craft market.
She had a very successful weekend. And we had a lovely time looking at the stalls.
And I wore my first pair of ‘hard’ jeans in 13 and a half years.
I bought them on Friday in Ralph Lauren. I tried them on and couldn’t believe how nice they looked and how well they fit. So I decided to take a chance and buy them…after all, what’s the worst that could happen…well, it could cause my bag to leak but I feel bold enough to take the risk.
I do have to laugh at sizes of clothes I have to buy though.
The skirt;
Ralph Lauren size 12 UK (8 US)
The jeans;
Ralph Lauren size 18 UK (14 US)
But as I said to my friend who works there, I need to buy my clothes with poo room. Which isn’t what the average shopper is looking for when buying clothes, I’m assuming anyway. :)
The skirt was a more forgiving fabric, therefore I didn’t need to size up. The jeans are a non stretch, hard fabric, so I definitely needed to go up a size or two). I like to be bold but I like to be careful at the same time.
Boundaries can be pushed, but with safety in mind.
Jeans from Ralph Lauren, Jumper from Chris for Fake Christmas From Hollister, Shoes from Ugg.
Scarf from Osprey, Cap from Amie Leon Dore, Gilet from Max Mara, Bag from Goyard
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So this is my last post before the new year I imagine. I wish you all a very merry Christmas and a happy, healthy, prosperous new year. Xx
Thank you for all your love and support this year and every year. Thank you so very much. It’s always appreciated. I have loved reading your emails and messages.
If I have been just a fraction of what has made you feel more confident and comfortable with your stoma my work is done, and well done you🫶🏼
*And for those of you (you wonderful people you!) that message to say how lovely I look all the time… I really really don’t.
It’s just I only take photos on the good days. ;)
A good day
…and then there’s today…
Merry Christmas you lovely people, and a happy new year! Xx