Well that’s just bloody brilliant isn’t it!
I’m back to square one!
You know my weird phobia of stage shows…Yes, I know I’m the odd one out, the weirdo, the Luddite but god I loath them, they make me cringe to my core in general, but I’ve been working really really hard trying to see what other people see in them. I was doing really well too, I’ve been enjoying a fair few shows recently, I mean, I even saw 9to5 twice!
No wonder Chris kept this little theatre trip secret…well, he says he didn’t intentionally hide it from me and he simply forget to write it in the diary, but I’m not so sure.
Thursday night we took some lovely clients to dinner at Gordon Ramsey’s Maze and then on to see Joseph and the Amazing Technicolour Dreamcoat…seriously I just don’t have the words for how awful I found this particular show. Have you seen it? That’s some weird trippy stuff going on up there on that stage!
In places I felt like someone must have slipped something in my drink, seriously it’s so so weird, and this might be a bit harsh but not in a good way!
Baffled and confused yes! Entertained Absolutely NOT!! Hahahahaha
I can’t even explain the weirdness of it to you as it would spoil the show for anyone going to see it. I may not like stage shows but I’m not a total spoil sport! Hahahahaha
Other people were loving it, loads of people were clapping and singing along. I think I might even have envied them slightly in that moment. I must have some gene fault or something, some component part missing that enables people to enjoy shows. ;)
I spoke to my friend Di (she loves a show does Di) the next day and said that I’d been to the see Joseph and that I found it awful, she says “oh yes, that one is - try “Hamilton” you’ll love it!” For the love of god woman, do you not know me but at all! Hahahahaha
I suppose I must have known it wasn’t going to be for me. I felt it in my bones before we left the house. I enjoy meeting the clients part, having a good chatter or in some cases a catch up and having a lovely dinner, so it’s not a total waste of an outfit. :)
I didn't let my trepidation for the evening determine what I’d wear, I’m not sure I even know the dress code for anticipated disappointment. ;)
I love this dress, it’s bold, it’s a statement alright, admittedly not to everyone’s taste and that’s fine.
The best thing I found with this dress is I was able to sit comfortably and confidently whilst out for the whole evening.
For reasons that I can’t answer my output was far higher than usual, this puts me on edge a bit. Yes, yes, I’m cool with having a colostomy, I’m all in and loving this new world but, BUT I still get a little bit nervous if I’m out for the night and I have high output.
For a start it doesn’t make you feel the beacon of shining loveliness to feel your stoma producing more poo in one night that you felt the whole day the day before (ironically as I sat home alone in a slobby track suit).
It can set me on edge. I fret it’s going to leak or something. I love stoma life, well I love my life and this is how I get to do it. But I don’t love the fear of a bag leak.
I should count myself lucky really, as for me they have been rare. They’ve happened, yes, of course, but they are rare, and that’s all I have to keep telling myself.
It’s not like the unbagged community don’t have their issues and anxieties too, I was in a shop yesterday and someone had horrendous wind, no one made them feel bad or embarrassed about it. We’re British, no one mentioned it at all.
The point is I shouldn’t be worrying about something that ‘could’ happen.
But sometimes I do. I’m not superhuman, I’m just a woman that had cancer and ended up with a colostomy bag at the age of 36…so for the majority of my life I had a good old fashioned bottom. :)
It’s ok to be nervous, it’s ok to be anxious, I allow myself to feel these things, I’m entitled to, bag life can feel a bit scary - but for me it’s not ok for those emotions to impact on my life.
Do I get worried? Hell yeah! Does it stop me going out? Absolutely not!
There are times I prefer my bag to the old fashioned way, I really do, And I really really prefer it to being dead. Having that as your back stop kind of puts everything into perspective, which I find incredibly helpful when it comes to thinking with gratitude.
In my particular case a permanent colostomy was the only way to almost guarantee good results, (there are no total guarantees in life of course, you throw the dice and take your chances) but the removal of the affected area of the bowel and the adding of a colostomy gives the best chance of survival.
And what a survival I’ve had! I’ve lost count of the places I’ve flown off to in the last nine and a half years (not very eco friendly I appreciate but I went nowhere for the preceding 8 years). I’ve been to places only and solely because I have a colostomy, let that sink in, I was only able to go because my colostomy gave me the confidence to do so!
So in conclusion, it’s ok to feel what you feel, as long as you do what you want to do anyway.
I didn’t let my fear of this show being the cringe-fest I thought it would be stop me from going out with an open heart and an open mind…
I saw this on insta today. I think it sums up life perfectly. Xxx