Iām 15 years into stoma life, so for me having a stoma is the most natural thing in the world. I donāt actually even give it a thought until I settle down to write this or itās brought up in conversation.
A lot of people Iāve met (with IBD usually) resist and fight having a stoma. Iāve met many people who have tried so hard to not have one, and then once they have had one, they realise they were able to live a much more productive life with it.
Iām not saying every experience of stoma-ing is positive, just because mine is. But I think fear of the unknown is the greatest threat for anyone told they need one.
Us humans can be a funny breed, understandably having to face stoma surgery is so incredibly hard. Itās so wildly different from what weāve known, and society does seem to view stomas in a negative light..so society can kiss my š
In all honesty and seriousness I was absolutely traumatised when I found out part of my cancer treatment would mean a permanent colostomy. I was stunned into silence (a rare occurrence).
God, I wish I had known what life would actually be like, rather than the terrible things my brain invented.
I appreciate that I am weird, but I find having a stoma so much easier than having a working arse-hole.
I saw a post the other day that was along the lines of āpeople who say they like their stoma are suffering from Stockholm syndromeā.
And that made me chuckle to myself.
Firstly, why would anyone be against someone else finding peace in their new body? Thatās weird right?
ā¦and I guess my main argument against that is - so what if we are?
However someone is managing, is the best way forward for them anyway.
But also I donāt believe itās Stockholm syndrome to appreciate life, and live it to the fullest because I have a stoma allowing me to.
I think Iām tenacious and determined. I think Iām stoic and adaptable, but more than anything Iām resilient.
Life cannot take me down if I donāt allow it to. I could, I suppose sit at home sobbing about shitting in a bagā¦or, or I could just throw myself out into the world and have an amazing time!
Letās have a think about what sounds like more fun?
Do I have to adapt and change how I do some things? Yes! Of course I do. But I do it gladly so I can live the life I have.
In all honesty I have the most amazing time, with the most amazing people! I am really very lucky, so no amount of adapting would be too much.
Is everyone going to feel the same as I do about it? Absolutely not!
Do I drive some people mad because Iām a perky happy little bunny? Probably, but thatās not really my problem is it. š«£š
I am incredibly sympathetic to people who are having a tough time with adjusting to their new normal. Good lord itās a colossal process to deal with. It uproots everything you once knew and spins you out the other side into this new way of doing things - and youāre expected to just get on with it.
Of course itās hard to deal with. But at a certain point you have to make a decision as to whether you let changes define you and your happiness levels.
I am not going to sit life out. I canāt, I paid such a high price to still be here that I personally canāt wallow (if thatās the right word for it? Maybe not, maybe thatās a bit harsh on anyone who is struggling. I just mean that I am deeply determined and committed to living well).
(This is just stoma related you understand. If I get a cold or flu believe me - I wallow!).
I have a stoma, it doesnāt have me.
I have a fabulous life. And the only reason Iām here to enjoy it is because of that little plastic bag attached to my abdomen, well that, and a fabulous surgeon and oncologist did a fantastic job of keeping me alive.
And Iām very grateful to all of the teams involved for that.
Adjustment number 3,956ā¦
I wonāt deny that there are loads of adjustments to be made, but I am in the belief that itās possible to make them, and live well.
I found very early on in my stoma journey that for some strange reason tights made my bag leak and pancake. It makes no sense because I can wear jeans and leggings with no massive impact.
Obviously I still need to wear tights in winter, Iām resilient but not frost proof.
Anyway, I discovered that if I cut a hole in the tights I could poke the bag through and significantly reduce the risk of mishaps. So thatās what I do every time.
I have tried many and various different tights, some are better than others for durability, the thicker the tights the less likely to ladder theyāll be.
Which is quite easy with a coloured tight. But itās when I want to wear a flesh tone that I struggle.
They are finer and more delicate than the chunky thick tights. And so much more likely to ladder.
I have given some on the 50 and 30 denier ones from Snag Tights a try. And they have been pretty durable.
Any tights that have the thicker body part are quite good usually.
To be honest Iām not a fan of a flesh tone tight anyway, I think Iām scarred by the horror of those 80s classicsā¦American Tan! š«£
But sometimes an outfit does call for a flesh tone.
Dress from Oliver Bonas, Tights from Sainsburyās.
And no one would be any the wiserā¦
Dress from Nobodyās Child, Boots from Selfridges, Tights from Snag
So far so good, no ladders today mum!
Skirts and dresses in the summer are the easiest way for me to dress, with the lowest risk of pancaking (which is where the poo seeps under the adhesive baseplate and leaks out).
Summer/warm weather are the easiest months for me.
So autumn and winter take a bit more planning and consideration.
Often Iāll size up in trousers or jeans, which I do find a bit annoying, but itās not that problematic.
Jumper from Maje, Trousers from H&M, Shoes from Dior.
I was always determined to live well, but not only that I wanted to dress well too. Itās important to me. As shallow as that may seemā¦Oh hi! Itās me!! šš
Top from Intimissimi, Jumper from DKNY, Jeans from Tesco, Shoes from Ugg
Top from M&S, Trousers from Micheal Kors, Shoes from Hermes.
Top from Maje, Jeans from Next.
Saturday was very exciting!
It was my workās Christmas party!!
(ā¦I donāt actually have a job, so my work is pretty much just looking after Chris and the house).
Chris very kindly treats me to my own works do.
He also very kindly gave me my annual performance review ~ some notes this year;
Inattentive
Inconsistent
Lack imagination at meal prep time
ā¦And he strongly suspects I lied on my original CV 32 years ago š«£š¤©šš
I feel seen, thatās exactly the spirit I was going for. He cracks me up. š
First stop of the day was breakfast at The National Gallery.
Then on to The Cecil Beaton exhibition at the National Portrait Gallery (I had no idea these were two different galleries by the way), anyway, the exhibition is fantastic, and worth a visit.
Then it was on to see the matinee of The Nutcracker production at The London Coliseum, which was absolutely fabulous! Actually it was the best one yet! š©°šš
We go every year to get in the Christmas spirit. Iām really happy because next year my mum is going to come too!
(My dad is invited but said heād rather stay home and stick pins in his eyes, so I took that to mean heās a maybe for next yearās ballet trip! Hahahah).
We finished off the day with a curry at our favourite restaurant in London, Chutney Mary.
It was such a fantastic day! I felt really very spoilt, it makes all my moderate effort throughout the year really almost worth it! ;)
Dress from Zara, Boots from Selfridges, Bag from Goyard, Coat from Max & Co
The Cecil Beaton exhibition is glorious.
He was a photographer, both war and for American and English Vogue. He also designed the set and costumes for My Fair Lady.
Then on to the London Coliseum.
Itās so magnificently Christmassy š
We had a quick walk round a Christmas market, until I remembered I donāt like Christmas market tat or people.
We did make a quick stop at a hat shop I really like. I have a few nice ones from them and I wanted another one for Christmas.
Iām not a natural hat person, itās an effort, but I must say I do very much enjoy the feeling and look they give.
I felt very sophisticated and jaunty.š¤©š©
New fancy hat from Lairdās in Jermyn Street.
I feel like a 1940s femme fatale spyā¦only Iād not last very long in the job as I tell everyone everything, even when they havenāt asked! š
The food at Chutney Mary is incredible, and we always receive such a warm welcome as we go quite a lot, weāre back here on Boxing Day too. We went last year as part of our Christmas away from home and of all the things we did we loved having a curry on Boxing Day at CM.
As workās dos go it was absolutely fantastic!!ā¦and in the name of full disclosure I did wake up in the bossās bed the following morning, and every day since. ššš
We had a lunch with friends planned for the Sunday. Which was really good fun.
We did our final Christmas shopping too.
Disturbingly Chris bought wrapping paper to wrap up the boots he bought me in Paris, and the hat he bought me on Saturday. I suppose itās a slight improvement from wrapping up empty boxes (Iām not a fan).
I canāt really see the point though, the boots and hat are sitting there staring at me in my dressing roomā¦so, surprise! š
Jumper and Jacket from Ralph Lauren, Jeans from Holland Cooper, Shoes from Hermes, Bag from Goyard
It was so lovely to see our friends, they live in deepest darkest Wales in the most beautiful little private valley thatās just theirs. They donāt get up to Essex much but itās so lovely to see them when they do.
I have a lot of time spare, and a lot of that time is spent online being bombarded with adverts.
I keep getting ads for dresses from Farm Rio.
They are very beautiful, but they are very expensive. I donāt mind paying out if I feel Iāll get a decent amount of wears per pound from them, but Iām not convinced I would from a Farm Rio dress.
I was thinking about ordering one to have a look when I saw a dress come up on my timeline that I thought was Farm Rioā¦but it was actually from Shien!!
It couldnāt be more different cost wise if it tried.
But I thought it was worth ordering a few of them for Ā£30 before I indulge in a FR one.
These ones are utterly gorgeousā¦
ā¦But so are these too, and they are super cheapā¦
I love buying nice things, I often spend ridiculous amounts of money on clothes, but Iām also partial to a good dupe (not fakes, I donāt do fakesā¦but I donāt mind a similar look, an homage, for less money).
They arrived in good time and they donāt look too bad on in comparison to the Farm Rio ones. In fact Iād go as far to say they are really very nice, a little thin, and a tad nylon-y, but they very nice to look at.
I felt it was worth a try, and this dupe duped well. They fit nicely and feel great on.
Iām happier knowing I donāt have to fret at wears per pound, which I definitely would with the FR ones.
Anyway, Iām off now. I think this will likely be my last blog before Christmas.
So I will wish you a very very merry Christmas, filled with love, laughter and joy.
I wish the world the same energy, because god knows it really needs it more than ever.
Much love, see you soon. Xx ššš¼š¤©š„°š«¶š¼ā„ļøš